Abstract reality
by Americanpyscho
Summary: Mikey's reality gets turned upside down when his dreams and real life begin to get jumbled together. Mikey becomes not only a danger to himself, but to his family as well. Will his brothers be able to help Mikey? or will Mikey go down taking his brothers with him?
1. Chapter 1-Fun and Games

**So this is my first fan fiction! AH! THE NERVES! I really had to fight myself to actually post it too! **

**ah well...here it goes.**

"Missed!"

"Missed again! Come on dude you can do it!" Mikey taunted as he jumped around the black clad foot ninja. The turtle was enjoying dancing around the little foot as it kept swinging frustrated little punches.

"Have you EVER done this before?" Mikey giggled to himself, but enough was enough. He leapt forward and dodged the oncoming punch, using the momentum to turn and kick the foot hard in the gut, sending him flying into trash cans.

"Point, me. lets see, Mikey 12..and the Foot 0."

The orange turtle smirked as his spun his nunchaku lazily yet masterfully around in his hand. He observed how his brothers were fairing. The ground was littered with unconscious or even dead foot ninjas. He noticed his brothers finishing off the last few remaining. His smirk transformed into a grin as he examined their handy work, 'man we are good!'

The foot ninja that was knocked into the trash cans moved behind the turtle stealthily. He had a small knife in his hand and charged at the distracted turtle. Raph looked over at the grinning Mikey like and idiot and saw the Foot behind.

"MIKEY, LOOK OUT!" Raph yelled across the alley. But it was too late. Mikey felt a searing pain rip up arm. Mikey let loose a loud groan as he looked down and saw a small knife jammed into his arm. Mikey spun on his heal and lashed out with his nunchaku. The foot ducked but soon felt a pair of feet sweep underneath him. He then went flying flat on his back, looking into the dark New York sky. His vision become filled with green orange, a fist dancing in front of his face.

"Lights out dude." The turtle said, amusement was now gone from his voice. The three fingered fist is the last thing the ninja saw before the world went dark.

Donnie ran up to Mikey "You okay Mike?"

Donnie started to fuss with the arm, inspecting the small knife sticking out of it. It was small, and their didn't seem to be too much damage. Before Donnie could do anything, Mikey grabbed the handle and pulled the knife out with a soft grunt. The wound was throbbing slightly but he ignored it, hes had worse. Small drops of blood dripped down his arm, but nothing too serious, Donnie sighed and knew nothing could be done at the moment any ways.

"I'll patch it up for you when we get to the Lair"Donnie shook his head and turned away. Leo folded his arms and was watching his brother, slightly farther apart from the rest of them. He was calm and collective, but Mikey could see the concern and worry in the deep blue eyes.

"You should be more careful Mikey." Leo eventually said, his voice was stern, but it was light. 'Good, hes not angry, no lecture tonight.' Mikey thought with a sigh of relief.

"Yes, I know Leo." Mikey mumbled annoyed at both his brothers and himself. But mostly himself.

"You're lucky he didn't go for a killing blow." Donnie said, his face scrunched into a face Mikey knew all too well. Don though something was not right here. "Actually...why didn't he?" Donnie muttered out loud to himself. Raph was quiet through this entire thing, but Mikey could see him silently seething. Raph was obviously annoyed at Mikey for not paying attention.

"Alright, lets go home." Leo sighed. They made their way over to the manhole cover. Donnie and Leo made their way down to the sewer, Mikey stood above it and looked at his brother in red. Mikey nodded his head at Raph with a quick charming smile.

"Thanks bro." Mikey said as he punched Raph lightly in the arm. Raph's eyes lightened up slightly and a hint of smile appeared on his face. Raph punched Mikey's good arm,

"hey, if anybody's gonna stab ma baby brotha, its gonna be me." Raph winked at Mikey as he followed the other two through the manhole.

* * *

><p>'There's a couple things that were not adding up' Donnie thought. The damage to Mikey's arm was barely anything. The wound would no doubt bother him and be sore, but only for a couple days. Nothing is seriously damaged. Why would the foot ninja stab him in such an ineffective style? and why did he aim for the arm? The ninja could have stabbed Mikey in the brain and his baby brother, could be laying six feet under.<p>

**So tell me what you think? yay? Nay? Constructive criticism is appreciated.**


	2. Chapter 2-Alone

_Darkness. _

_It showered around me. I felt my way along a cold, hard floor. I couldn't see anything, was I blind? where am I? where is my family? I begin to call out, _

_"Leo?" I slowly move forward, trying to find anything. My hand just catches black nothing. I can feel a slight nip in the air, it gives me shivers. but I can't hear a breeze.  
><em>

_"Donnie?" I hear my voice ringing. It's so quiet. There is no noise. I feel fear hugging my brain. My heart is pounding hard that I feel it in my throat. Where am I? why am I alone?  
><em>

_Alone. _

_"Raph?" No response. Where are my brothers? are they in trouble? Why can't I see? I feel my panic growing, radiating around. I feel my feet start moving, I am running. Aren't I? I think I am. I just can't see, I can't feel, I am alone. Where am I running to? Alone. Alone. No one is here. _

_Help. I begin to call out for help but I am answered with blackness. I can feel it engulf me, gobble me up like I was it's dinner. My head is screaming, I need to touch something! I need to see! This darkness is driving me crazy. Why am I alone? _

_Where are my brothers? _

_Alone. I am so alone. _

* * *

><p>I woke up gasping. I could feel my chest hurting from trying to gulp down air. I put my hands over my head and focused on my breathing. I felt sweat drip down my body, but I'm shivering. My skin still itched from the darkness surrounding me, almost as if it followed me out of the dream. <em>a dream.<em> That's all it was. Breathe. It was just a dream, a nightmare. I shakily got up now that my pulse has slowed down and I could actually take full deep breaths. I looked at the clock, 3 a.m.

Well I won't be getting any more sleep tonight I sighed. I snuck out of my room and heard the loud snoring of my brother next door. I smiled to himself _I am not alone. I _went to the Kitchen and got a glass of water. I felt the cool liquid run all the way down my throat. I shivered again thinking about my dream. I haven't had night terrors in years. When I was really little, I would go into one of my brothers rooms to seek comfort after one. I smiled at the memory and wished I could do that now. I sighed and finished my glass

I walked over the couch and flopped over it, I turned the TV but keep the volume on mute. My eyes were glued to the flashing and the sea of colors. I didn't see anything however, my mind was still racing. Alone. _I am not alone. _I began repeating in my head over and over. I grabbed a pillow and wrapped it tightly to my chest. Not. Alone.

* * *

><p>(Changing from 1st person to 3rd person)<p>

Leo grabbed his Katanas and sheathed them. He loved the sound of metal sliding against the leather. He hummed quietly to himself as he tip toed down the hall and towards the dojo. Morning meditation was always relaxing. He didn't used to get up early to do this, but ever since he became leader, he needs it. The emotions and stress of being the leader is hard, so hard that he looks forward to the calming voice of meditation. His brothers didn't understand this, and made fun of him for it, but he didn't mind that so much anymore.

Leo paused as he saw that he wasn't the only up. Which is weird cause he is normally the first one up. Seated on the couch was the youngest, eyes glued to the TV. Mikey did not notice his brother as Leo slide in front of him. Mikey jumped nearly out of his shell and gave a tiny yelp.

"LEO! are you trying to give a me a heart attack? Don't sneak up on a turtle like that bro."

Leo muttered a small sorry, obviously with other thoughts in mind.

"Why are you up so early?" Leo asked curiously and turned his head to the side as he sized up his baby brother. He noticed the unnatural tired ghosts of Mikey's usually bright blue eyes. Most of the time they are filled with a carefree innocent mixed with energetic mischief. Only Michelangelo could pull off both innocence and mischievousness. However his eyes were not glazed and his normal light was dimmed.

"Have you been up all night?" Leo tried another approach. Mikey shifted his eyes to look at his brothers.

"Ya, I couldn't sleep, but I'm alright now." Mikey grinned sheepishly. Leo looked skeptical but this wasn't the first time Mikey has pulled an all nighter, so he decided to shrug it off.

"Alright then, see you at breakfast I guess." Leo pushed away his concern and continued to the Dojo.

Mikey watched his brother disappear through the doors and decided it probably should be time to start breakfast. Unfortunately he was the only turtle with any culinary skills. Donnie wasn't **too** bad, Raph was awful, but Leo was the worst!Leo's failure to cook should be an art form within itself!It almost seems like someone would have to try to be that bad. Mikey chuckled to himself at the thought. He moved towards the kitchen when his mind drifted back to his dream. Hopefully, this nightmare will be a one time thing.

**HA. one time thing...just wait young turtle...just wait. **


	3. Chapter 3-A little Fluff

**I love Mikey and Raph. Switching back to 1st person Mikey!  
><strong>

Morning training was brutal, especially when exhausted. I had to do 50 flips for spitting spit balls at Raph when he was sparring with Leo. Sensei would have made me do more, but my arm is still bothering me a little. Sensei didn't want to push it too hard. I still felt the darkness on my skin from the nightmare. It was different from the dreams I would have when I was little. This dream was so...life like. It felt real. I could feel the harsh, cold air. I could smell metal..and blood. But I saw nothing but darkness. I was able to feel the loneliness seep through me, like rain crashing through a crack in the roof. I sat on the couch, a little away from Raph. I turned my head to my brother, Messing with Raph always elevates my spirits! I grinned.

I scooted a bit closer to my brother. Raph didn't seem to take notice. I shifted slightly again, adjusting myself. I arranged myself just in reach of Raphs belt, as quick as a viper I slipped Raphs sai out of his belt and hop over the couch, putting it between me and my red masked brother. Raph shot up from his comfortable spot and howled with surprise,

"HEY! Mikey! ya have ta the count of three ta give that back!" Raph crossed his arms and glared holes into me . I cleared his throat,

"Welcome ladies and Gentlemen to another round of the Great Michelangelo messing with one of his brothers. The turtle today is a crowd favorite. Hes big, heeeeees ugly, the one...the only ...Haaaammaaato Rapheal!" I giggled as I played with the sai balancing the point on my finger. Something I notice Raph sometimes does. Raph Narrowed his eyes,

"1"

"The beast in question is usually compared to the youngest brother, the lovely Michelangelo. The reason behind the terrible temper, Ladies and gentlemen, is because he will never be as pretty, talented, as smart as-"

**"2" **Raph growled out, his fist now clenched at his sides.

"Ooo! looky here! In fact, good audience, we are graced with witnessing the creatures anger! Do not fear for my life, nothing can defeat the Battle nexus champion!"

"3" Raph snapped and shot forward at me, flying over the couch. I giggled and began to ran away.

"MIKEY YA BONEHEAD! GET BACK HERE" Raph chased me with a growl on his face. We ran a lap around the lair when I heard a door open. I smiled as I saw a Donnie emerge from his lab working with the shell cells. Tongue slightly sticking out and unaware of his two bumbling brothers. I had a brilliant idea. I skidded to halt near Don and waited. Raph grinned as he saw his opportunity. He launched off of his feet arms outstretched towards me. I smiled smugly and side stepped. Raph went flying into Donnie with an "OOFH"

"WHY YOU LITTLE-" Raph yelled as he tried to untangle himself from a disoriented and confused Don.

I died. Their faces! I was rolling on the ground laughing. Both Raph and Don glared at me . They shared a look, and I felt their presence move closer to me. Oh no. I'm doomed! but I can't stop laughing.

"NO haha GUYS PLEASE! haha" I stuck out a hand to stop them from beating me up but continued to laugh. Unexpectedly, they started to tickle me. oh! this is worse! the torture!

My joyful laughter turned into a howl.

"STOP! HAHAHA! I'M GONNA PEE HAHAHA" I twisted and turned beneath his brothers. They know how to cheer me up.

**I had to add some fluff cause I'm a fluffy person c: Mikey needed some cheering up. **


	4. Chapter 4-Trapped

**Going over what I just wrote, my editing sucks! SOOO I'll try to improve on that! so sorry! Also **

_I look to my right and all I see is dirt. I turn my head to the right and again, nothing but dirt. But look straight up I see the night sky. The swirl of blacks and purples, with bright white lights speckling the sky. I reach out to touch it but my hand is stopped by a wall. a wall? There is no wall? there is nothing? I put my other hand out and find that I am trapped. _

_no._

_ This cannot be happening. Slamming my hands against the case. I can't move, I can barely breathe. I feel my heart thumping, keeping time as I beat my hands over and over on the case. The case is clear and I can see dirt pouring on top of me. Dirt? oh no. NO! This isn't real. This isn't real. I keep pounding my fists into the case, punching at the sky. I feel a scream releases from my throat and it rings off the tiny walls around me. More dirt is shoved on top of me.  
><em>

_I am being buried alive. _

_I can feel myself wasting oxygen, it is getting harder to breathe. I have to fight. Every instinct in me is telling me to pound against the case. It refuses to budge. I cry out for my family. More dirt piles on the clear coffin and I feel as if I'm choking on my tears. Soon the dirt covers the entire clear coffin, but all I can see is darkness. All I have left to do is die. Lay here, waiting, to die. _

* * *

><p>I hear a scream bounce off my walls as I thrash around my bed. I launch to my feet, I have to get somewhere where I can breathe! It's too small. I see my brothers all coming out of their rooms, they most likely heard me screaming, but I ignored them and ran towards open space. I'm choking. I fall to my knees and I try to focus on breathing. I see Leo appear in front of my vision. I see him trying to talk to me but I can't hear him, there is a buzzing in my ears. Then I realize...I'm still screaming. I stop and take in a deep breath. My lungs drink in the air as I gasp it up. I can hear my brothers swarming around me. All frightened out of their shells. I eventually hear Donnie's voice,<p>

"Mikey, take it easy! Just breathe you are okay."

I nod my head, "I'm okay, I'm okay. Just a dream." I know I'm telling myself that more then I am my brothers. I curl up into a ball and feel myself shaking. I repeat out loud

"Just a dream. Just a dream. Just a dream." I feel a arm slide around me and I am being crushed into a plastron, I lift my head and see Raph's grim face and scared eyes. He traps me into him and I panic again. Too close. Trapped. Trapped. I can't breathe.

I start to fight my brother and start yelling again.

"RAPH...PLEASE...I.. CAN'T-" I manage to gasp out as I pull away from his death grip. I get some distance from my brothers and try to calm myself down, but my mind is racing. Just a dream. Just a dream.

"Mikey?" a soft voice calls out to me, I turn my head to look at my brothers. They stand there with hopeless looks on their faces. I attempt a small smile.

"I'm okay." I mutter. Leo and Donnie exchange a glance.

"What did you dream about?" Leo asks, but I shake my head. If I tell him, I'll go through it again. It felt too real. I can still the glass coffin pressing against my body. I feel tears running down my cheeks but I don't remember when I started crying. Whats happening to me? Last nights nightmare was scary, and it felt real, but it wasn't this bad. It takes me a while to force myself to calm down, but I manage.

"I-I'm sorry bros. I-I g-guess I'm having night terrors a-again." I feel myself shivering but I can't stop, but I don't feel cold.

"Don't apologize, It's okay, we understand." Leo shuffled toward me, making sure to keep his distance. They all remained quiet and frozen until my breathing returned to normal.

"Do you think you can go to sleep again?" Leo asked. I stare at him hard. I don't even want to be in that room again. Trapped. Cramped. Too small. Too small. I can feel my brain cracking. I can't think about it or I'll have another panic attack. I look at my brothers and realize they are waiting for me to answer.

"No."


	5. Chapter 5-something is different

**This chapter I got a bad case of writers block. I had an idea of what I wanted to happen but when I tried to write it out it just sort of blah. GO WORDS GO. **

**Oh ALSO! thanks Crow4711! this chapter was struggling but I after I read your review, it gave me some inspiration! so thanks! you, my friend are great. **

Why me? Why am I starting to have these again? My brothers must think I'm such a wimp! I look to my right and see Donnie sitting on the couch with me. He is on the opposite end because I wanted my space, I know that sounds dumb. In fact shouldn't I WANT the comfort of my brothers? I mean I am usually a physical turtle, I love hugs and snuggling, unlike the older three. However I just wanted to stretch out, relieving myself that I am not still trapped in that coffin. Don is still working on the shell cell. He decided that if he wasn't going to sleep, might as well work. Raph was awkwardly slumped on the floor, snoring loudly. He was originally sitting up, but his eyes couldn't take it anymore and he passed out. Leo dosed off a couple hours ago as well. I look at the clock next to the TV, 5 a.m.

Sigh.

I knew they all stayed up with me for my sake, they didn't have to, I already felt guilty enough as it is. I huffed out another sigh and it got Donnie's attention. He glanced at me but continued to focus on the shell cell.

"Are you sure you don't want to talk about it?"

I should talk to him. Come on Mikester just talk to him! I'll feel better. My tongue feels thick in my mouth and my jaw is clenched. I think about my dream again and shudder. Trapped. It felt so real. I could smell the dirt and earth, even through the coffin. The fragrance was strong, swirling with the little remaining air. Air. Breathing. The oxygen is running out, every breath I take could be my last, then I'd suffocate. Then I Die. I can feel my lungs screaming at me. I am dying.

No.

It was a dream. I could feel myself shivering nonstop now as my vision clears and I'm back sitting on the couch. Donnie noticed this and placed a gentle hand on my shoulder. I looked up at him and knew he wanted to pull me into a hug, but he doesn't. I usually love Don's hugs, out of all my brothers I normally get hugs from him the most. He's my best friend. But I don't want one right now. I give him a small appreciated smile.

I know all of them are worried about me, even when I was little my night terrors where bad, but this felt..different.

I feel tired, but I refuse to close my eyes.

Out of the corner of my eye I see Leo stir. He gets up and stretches out his stiff limbs. Then looked at his three younger brothers. He smiles a little when he sees the second oldest clumped awkwardly on the floor. Then he raises his gaze to me and his smile slowly fades. He stares into my eyes. We both share blue eyes. However, Leo's eyes are a deeper, darker shade. They are both stern and gentle, a perfect mix of leader and a loving older brother. I could see the small hint of concern in them. I'm sure he notices me shaking slightly.

"Mikey, is the nightmare why you were up the other night as well?" Leo asked. They didn't really ask him any questions after he came out of the dream. They gave him some space.

Yes. I wanted to say yes. What was wrong with me? Why am I trying to hide my dream from my brothers? Pride. I guess it's pride. Or hurt. I already feel as if I'm the idiot of the family, like I am the weak one. Does it honestly make sense for a sixteen year old ninja to have night terrors? a ninja? no way! My pride wins out.

"No, it wasn't. Guys I am okay, really! I'm just slightly shaken up." I give them a wide grin, "I'll be back to my old self in a jiffy! As a matter of fact, If you were a smart turtle Leo, you would watch your shell for the next couple of days." I felt a wicked smile flash on my face. I saw Leo's concern fade slightly and he smiled back. I decided I wanted to get out of my brothers suspicious gazes and stood up.

"Well, I guess I am gonna go start some breakfast! Eggs sound good to you all?" I smiled as they nodded. They looked so tired. Guilt splashed through me. I kept them awake, all because of a stupid nightmare. Then again they didn't HAVE to stay up with me. Geeze. I need to shake this off! I am being a baby. I hate seeing my brothers so worried, I am usually the one who can get them to smile when they are worried or stressed. I spun on my heel and marched to the kitchen.

* * *

><p>"This is weird." Donnie said as he glanced up at Leo, "I usually can get Mikey to talk to me about anything! In fact, I can't get him to shut up.<p>

"And why won't he let us near him?" Leo crossed his arms and shifted his weight on his other foot. "He loves it even if our arms are just brushing up against each other."

"I don't know, most likely something to do with dream." Don responded. He sighed and tossed the cell shell on the cushion next to him.

"when we were little and Mike had nightmares, he would always sneak into one of our rooms and snuggle up." Leo and Don both smiled at the memory. Leo was thinking about his brothers face before he left.

"I think he was lying to us when he told us he didn't have another nightmare yesterday," Leo glanced at Don, "But I don't see why he would lie about that."

Donnie thought about that for a second and then shrugged. "Well, he was fine earlier today, Raph and I ganged up on him and it ended up in a wrestling match." Donnie still felt the happy laughter ringing in his ears. It was a good sound. Donnie stood up and started to walk towards the kitchen. The aroma of food was getting to his growling stomach.

"I wonder why he had a night terrors again." Leo said as he fell into step beside Don.

"I don't know Leo, but the fear in his eyes when we tried to calm him down...these are different."

**ooooooooo! Review please! C: So I've got a couple Ideas of other kind of night terrors, I have a couple I KNOW I am going to do, but if any one has any bad dream ideas I could incorporate into this story I have an open ear! **

**So, If any one has any good ideas or suggestions, hit a girl up! ty**


	6. Chapter 6-Inferno

**alrighty so my longest chapter yet, I was thinking about splitting it in two but then I thought...naaah! The beginning of this chapter is a little rough but bear with me here. I was struggling with how to start this chapter. Don't you hate that? **

"My sons, I have had enough. This training session has barely progressed and you all are about ready to collapse from exhaustion. What is the meaning of this?" Splinter looked down his long nose at us, his gaze resting on each of our faces. When his cool eyes focused on mine, he stared at me hard. I don't doubt by just a glance, that he figured out that I was the cause of the sleep deprivation. Things usually end up my fault. I glanced at Leo and could see his mind turning, he was creating an excuse. I appreciate it Leo but its okay. I snapped my eyes back to Splinter,

"I kept them up Sensei, it is my fault." I spoke quickly and looked down, staring at the floor. I was afraid that my father would be able to read me like a book. He knows each of us too well to know when something is wrong. A silence filled the room and even though I focused on the floor, I could feel Sensei's gaze boring into me. Finally, the rat sighed

"I will allow you all to catch up on some sleep before we continue. We will come back to this session later this evening."

"Hai, sensei." we all said in unison. He turned around and went silently into his room. Raph got up and trudged his way to his room. My brothers and I followed. My brain was slightly panicked.

No, not sleep. No more dreams. What if I close my eyes and I'm alone again? what if I am being buried alive? Even though I know they are just dreams, I feel as if they happened. That they were a past event that has traumatized me. I eventually get to the entrance of my room but I freeze. I look at my door.

I don't want to go in there. I don't want to sleep.

I have to. I NEED to. Not because I am tired, but because I cannot let fear run me. I have to try, for my brothers sake more then my own. I hate seeing them worry and I refuse to let myself look weak and childish. I need sleep, only for a couple of hours like father said. I glare at my door, I can almost hear it laughing at me. Oh whats wrong with me? Afraid of my own room?

No. that's not true, I am afraid of my self. My dreams. I took a deep breath and a stepped in, I must ignore my fears.

I shuffled my way into my room, masterfully dodging and stepping over the cluttered items on the floor. My brothers think my room is a mess and crazy, but I know exactly where everything is. I stand over my bed and let my body fall face first into it.

I turn my head and let out a sigh, bed feels so good. I am an idiot for being afraid of this soft, warm, love! I never want to part from my bed again! I close my eyes and start drifting slowly into sleep, it feels so nice. It's only been two days without sleep but I can feel how tired my body is. It feels like being relived of pain that I wasn't aware of having. Peaceful. sleep. sweet, sweet sleep. Maybe Raph has been right all along, I am Bonehead. How could I be afraid of this bliss?

finally, sleep.

* * *

><p><em>I snuggle my pillow closer into me and smile. Finally I can sleep, and No dreams so far! I feel free, peaceful. <em>

_I slowly grow uncomfortable when my body gets hot. I kick off my blanket and stick my foot out, searching for the cool air. But there isn't any cool air. It's still hot and getting hotter. I take in a deep breath and my lungs are met with a heavy thickness that makes me cough. My eyes flash open as I cough and my room is a beautiful swirl of oranges and reds. beautiful, but deadly. More then half my room is a blaze in a dancing fire. The fire begins to snake throughout my room, catching the blankets. I give a startled yelp and slide to the floor, keeping my plastron connected to the ground. I look above me and black smoke ascends around, I can't even see the ceiling of the room.  
><em>

_I try to breathe little as possible as smoke fights it's way into my lungs. I begin to crawl on the floor towards my door, hoping to escape the rapidly blazing inferno. _

_I am not afraid. Not like my last dreams. I refuse to panic. I reach my hand out to the door and touch it-_

My eyes flash open as I suck in clean, sweet oxygen. I look around for the flames as I lay flat on my belly next to the door. I hear...pounding? What?

"Hey! Knucklehead, wake up! We have ta resume our training in an hour." a deep husky voice called through the door as he pounded a fist on it. I moaned as I got to my feet, feeling lighter then I have in two days. I conquered my dream. I smiled to myself and launched out the door, I grabbed onto a surprised Raph and jumped on his shell,

"Onward my trusty steed!" I pointed straight for the living room. Raph turned his head and glared at me.

"Oh get off." He growled and tried shove me off his back but I slapped his hand away. Annoyed now he turned towards the wall and leaned forward to fling himself backwards to squish me into the wall. I shifted my feet underneath me and prepared them to launch. I felt us both flying back and I jumped, letting his force and body to hit the wall. My vision blurred slightly as my body naturally took over and flipped through the air, landed perfectly in front of the red masked ninja who was now slumped on the ground rubbing his head. I giggled as his eyes cleared and an angry but loving scowl washed over his face.

"Oh, ya think that's funny? How bout a game of 'How many punches does it take ta knock Mikey out?'" Raph got to his feet and crossed his arms.

"That game only works if you catch Mikey!" I winked at him and took off towards the open lair. I heard a small, rough laugh behind me and then pounded feet chasing me. I giggled and heard a clang in the kitchen. as I turned towards the noise, hoping to seek at least one or hopefully both of the other brothers. I slide in the kitchen and noticed Leo making the only thing he knows how, Ramen noodles. He picked up the pot and set it on table, I noticed the now open flame dancing. I froze and stared at it uneasily. Leo looked up at me and smiled, and put a cloth on the counter. It was too close to the fire. A tip caught in the blue embers of flame. I gasped and ran towards it to put out the small flame. A heavy body slammed into me and I skidded into the counter.

I watched in horror, trapped beneath my brother as the cloth caught fire, becoming a blaze in an instant.

No. I gaped at it and tried to pry free of my brother, but he held me back trying to wrestle.

"Raph stop! This is no time for games!" I yelled out but I didn't hear his reply, I was too busy watching the fire spread along the wood of the counter. The Fire was searching for anything to jump on to. It had a mind of it's own as it sizzled, hissed and crawled it's way around the room. A black cloud was beginning to form as the entire kitchen became a hellfire. The swirling colors of reds and orange, same as it was in my dream I had before.

_My dream_. Except, this one was real. Leo still stood there looking down at me, without the smile. He looked confused and concerned, I looked at him and to Raph who was now kneeling beside me, matching Leo's face. How do they not notice? What's going on? Can they not see? I opened my mouth and shouted about the roar of flames.

"FIRE!"

All of a sudden without warning, Leo was on fire and started to scream. I watched in horror as he ran out of the room. Looking to put out his burning skin.

"LEO!" I shouted and tried to get up. I put my hand unthinkingly on the counter and tried to push myself up.

Fire ran along my hand and scorched my skin. I looked down and screamed as the pain shot up my arm. The pain twitched in my brain, it nestled itself along side with the fear. The fire danced around my arm, eating at my flesh, starving.

It slowly, like a spider, crawled up my arm and around my body. I was now consumed, like my brother. Black smoke was blinding and burning my eyes and throat. I could no longer see anything. I could hear nothing but the laughter of the fire, hissing in my ear. I felt my lungs fill and dig into my chest, looking for clean air. They screamed at me, choking on the black smoke. My entire body was throbbing and searing in wicked pain. The most painful thing I have ever felt. I tried to scream but as soon as I opened my throat I swallowed fire. It hurt to move, I couldn't feel it but I knew I started running.

This isn't a dream. This is real.

I was a running inferno, _burning._

**so there's that. Review c: common don't be shy! **


	7. Chapter 7-Scream

**HI! c: thank you good readers who decided to keep reading this story! Also thanks for the people who review and encourage me! At first I wasn't too wild about this chapter, but now I rather like it. ENJOY **

I can't hear anything but the fire laughing in my ear, but I know I am screaming.

Waves of pain rolled down my body, my skin is melting away. I can feel the fire digging into me, taking layer after layer out. It continued to eat through my flesh, working its way into muscles. It tingles and cuts deep into me, determined to met my bones. The pain demands a scream and rips it from my throat. I could feel the fire and smoke in my mouth.

I can't see anything, I don't know if it is because of the blinding torment, or the fire. I continue to scream in agony, no longer caring if the fire rushed down to seize my body from the inside. No longer caring if the black smoke ate at my lungs. I can't feel the separation between my body and the flames, In fact I feel nothing but pain. I think nothing, but pain.

Suddenly, fire around me begins to fade away and my I see a blobs standing above me. what? where's the fire? What's going on? Am I being saved?

I feel something strong wrapped around me, holding me. I blink in confusion.

"Mikey?" I hear Leo's voice and I snap my head up. Where is he? Is he okay? I can't see him! Oh Leo! Help me. My eyes start to readjust and I open my mouth to call out to Leo, my voice is thick and hoarse. It hurts to speak.

"Fire"

was that me? was that my voice? Even though the fire is gone now, the feeling is still there. Annoyed that I wasn't paying attention to it, pain lashed out and my entire body went stiff with a burning sensation. It's too much. It hurts too much!pain. pain. Please, stop this.

"FIRE...FIRE...FIRE...FIRE...FIRE... FIRE...FIRE" I began to chant over and over.

Fire. Burning. Pain.

I can't see the fire but I can still feel it. For the first time, I actually hear myself screaming but I can't feel it come from me. The sound was somewhat soothing, it was better then the hiss of the fire. My brain then flashed with white blinding agony, it caved into the pain. The ringing of my screams blasted through my head, as the world went black.

* * *

><p>I opened my eyes and gasped<p>

"FIRE!"

I heard feet rush towards me and arms hugging me tightly. I winced in pain.

"It's okay Mike, there is no fire."

"D-Donnie?" I look around me and I see Don's lab. What happened? I look down at my body, expecting to see my flesh burned and eaten away. I stare at my skin, it is perfectly normal.

Except, I still feel the burns. I can feel it throbbing everywhere on my skin. I look up at my brother and hear the panic rising in my voice.

"What happened? What's going on? Why am I not...burnt? or heck, how am I alive?"

"You were in the kitchen and you just started ...flipping out. Leo came to get me and all of a sudden we heard you screaming. You ran into the living room and started to roll on the floor and were screaming out in pain. They were agonizing...Mike I've never heard anyone scream like that." Donnie looked away, fear for me still glistening in his brown eyes. I felt a punch of guilt through my stomach. Donnie looked back to me and cleared his throat, "Raph and Leo had to restrain you while I tried to help, you couldn't hear or even see me. You were moving and fighting imaginary...well...fire I guess." I winced at the word and felt a flame dance on me. I looked down at my body again but saw nothing.

"It was weird." he continued, "Your heart rate was erratic and you were burning hot. My guess was that you were hallucinating."

I stared at Donnie hard. I heard what he said, but I felt like it went through one ear and out the other. Fire. It was so _real_. I can still feel the pain. It wasn't blinding white pain anymore, just a throbbing burning sensation, but it was still there. It had to have been real. But when I look at my body, It's fine. It hurt so bad, it still does. I felt my breathing hitch and I hiccup. Suddenly I am crying. The warm tears hurt as they leak out of eyes and run down my face, but I can't stop.

Warm arms wrapped around me again and held me tight. My body stiffened as his arms dug into my already burning skin, but I wanted to be held this time. The fear was pouring out of me in the shape of sobs. And I wanted my brother to wipe those fears away.

"It was real Don, It was." I sobbed out but Donnie just shook his head. "L-Leo was also being b-burned and I-"

"Leo is fine, we are all fine. Mikey, I don't know whats going on with you but we will help you okay? All of us." Donnie's words were soothing, but I could feel the uneasiness in the pit of my stomach.

Whats happening to me?

I let out another scream, this one wasn't because of the agonizing pain, but because of the frustration and fear. Donnie just held me as I sat there sobbing and screaming into his arms. He whispered small reassurance to me but I didn't believe him. I wanted to believe him. I know the truth.

_It was real._ _It happened. I can feel my body still burning, I'm not on fire anymore, but my skin is pulsing with pain. My brain is still trapped under all that fear. I can feel the black smoke tarring my lungs and break my breathing. I can smell the smoke tickling my nose, the smell makes me want to gag. I can still hear the laughter of fire in the distance, mocking my sobs.  
><em>

_It was real. It is real.  
><em>

_so I scream. _

**poor mike! PLEASE REVIEW C: I like to know what my fellow readers are thinking! until next time ;) **


	8. Chapter 8-Oh brothers!

**Hello! Thank you again to the people who favorite, follow and/or review! You keep me going! I wanted to add a little light since the last couple chapters have been a little...well...hectic for mikey. So enjoy c: **

I can feel the lines of dried tears burning into my skin and my eyes are throbbing. I can't squeeze out another tear even if I want to. I stiffly lean back to look at my brother. His own cheeks show signs of crying, crying for his baby brother. Leo is silently watching me, confusion and concern sketch into his face. I take a deep breath to cool my senses.

After I stopped screaming, Donnie took some of my blood and went to work. My brothers decided I shouldn't be alone, so they are keeping a constant vigil on me. Right now it is Leo's turn.

I sat on the couch stiffly, my skin is still tingling but the pain has subdued to a light throb. Leo is standing in front of me, obviously wanting to talk. I see the wheels of his head turning, trying to put the right words together. I sighed

"Go ahead and ask."

"Can you tell me what you saw? If you can't I understand..." Leo crosses his arms and looks down at me with a stern gaze. He used to smile a lot more, he used to laugh and watch us brothers goof around. Sometimes he would join in. Something happened along the way that has hardened Leo to life. The leader inside is taking over, masking his emotions completely. His voice is commanding and his gazes are stern.

Except I still see the brotherly love inside those strong blue eyes. Leo would die for any of us in a heartbeat.

"It's hard to talk about Leo. I am not completely sure if it happened or not." I glance uneasily around the room, waiting for fire to pounce on me again.

Nothing.

Relief pounds through me, I begin to speak again.

"I had two other dreams before this one, as you can guess. The first one wasn't..terrible. It seemed like a usual nightmare. I was alone and it was dark." I am keeping as many details out as possible, I am afraid I will slip back into that world if I relive too much of my dream. I clear my throat, "The second one was worse...I was...being buried..alive. It was worse when I woke up, I am sure you remember." My lungs remember. They suck in air, hogging the oxygen.

It's okay Mike. Come on man, don't go crazy eyes again.

It takes me a minute to gain my composure and I focus on my words.

"I had a dream about...fire." the word rings in my ears, "I conquered it, I was escaping...then I woke up. When I came into the kitchen, the whole thing went up in flames. Including you." I felt my voice drop to a whisper and try to ignore the harsh fear that rolled in my stomach. My heart broke when Leo went in flames. I feel myself starting to tremble.

"It was so real Leo. All of a sudden fire was around me, it hurt. So much. I can still feel the burns on my skin. It had to have been real! You were burning and I just watched. Then all of a sudden I was burning. _Burning._ I thought we were dying Leo!" A new edge is in my voice, frustration. Anger. I am angry at what I saw, I am angry at what is happening to me; I can't stop it. I tried to stop it in my dream, but it followed me into my reality. My breathing is getting heavier, I realize it's from the anger. My eyes are glued to a spot on the floor, If I look anywhere else, I might see the laughing flames again. I might feel the room sucking in on me while I am being trapping. I might be alone, in the harsh cold darkness.

Suddenly I feel the cushion beneath me sink a little. A body is near mine and I look up to find those brotherly eyes. Leo then leans his forehead against mine, something he did when we were little.

"You are safe Otouto. I am not dead, I am very much alive, and so are you. It didn't happen, It wasn't' real" His voice was smooth and sweet, he smiled slightly and it made me smile. I turn his words around in my head. I knew Leo was fine, but hearing him say it eases a knot in my stomach. The back of my mind still pricking with fear but I ignore it.

"Why does it still hurt Leo? When I had nightmares in the past, it didn't hurt when I woke up. Not physically. I swear I should have burns all over my body! I can FEEL it. The pain is starting to go away slowly, but it still hurts. Why? I don't understand."

I said earlier that I can't squeeze out another tear, that I cried all them all out. But I guess I lied.

I felt one stream down my face. Great, I am crying again.

Leo pulls me into him and I am almost sitting on his lap. I remember all the times Leo pulled me into his lap and just hug me. Like when Raph yelled at me because he couldn't control his anger. Like whenever I got hurt and couldn't stop crying. Like whenever I felt like I wasn't good enough. It has been years since he's done this, but I miss it. I like leader Leo, I respect him, but I am seeing more of him and less of my brother. I miss my oldest brother.

When I spoke, my voice was soft and quiet, almost as If I was trying to whisper.

"Am I going _crazy_?"

I close my eyes lay my head on his shoulder. I felt Leo's head shake no, but before he could say anything, a rougher, deeper voice broke in.

"Mikey you've always been crazy."

I glance up at Raph standing in front of us, an amused gaze at the sight of me sitting in Leo's lap like we were five again. I pull away from Leo, but I secretly am wanting to jump back in his lap. I stare at the red masked turtle in front of me. His shoulders are proud and hunched back with a confident ease. His sais' are in his belt but he has his fingers looped around the handles, elbows slightly sticking out making a v shape on both sides of his body. His head is tilted slightly and a small smirk is shadowed on his face. Leo growls at his brother,

"You are not helping." He said and glares at Raph.

"Oh I'm sorry." He didn't really look sorry, "I meant to say that even if you are crazy, we still love ya." He gives me a wide smirk and shifts his weight to his other leg. Leo sighs and closes his eyes.

"hardee har har. Gosh, we need to work on your bed side manners." I rolled my eyes as if I am annoyed, but I'm not. I am grateful that Raph is acting normal, like what just happened didn't freak all of us out of our shells.

"This is a couch, not a bed." he added a slight pause, "Also you are not dying."

"How do you know?" I ask.

"Cause you aren't allowed to." His face twists into a cheeky smile. huh. you don't see a cheeky smile on Raph everyday. I feel my own smile brighten.

"Could have fooled me, Your the one who attempts to kill me daily."

"I am not the only one! There is no I in team Mike! Leo and Donnie make a good contribution too." Raph says and Leo tenses at the sound of his name.

"Hey! don't drag my good name into this!" Leo shouts but a large smile makes it's way onto his face. Ah, there's my big brother.

"I hate to admit it, but Raph has a point Leo! just the other day I recall you chasing me around the lair." I giggle and face my brother in blue.

"That's because you stole my Katana AND pretended to be me." Leo growls but he can't hide the laughter in his eyes.

"I was so good! I am a nominee for an Oscar." I say with a little dramatic flare.

"You sounded nothing like me!" Leo insisted. Raph lets out a hoot.

"ya, that's why Donnie and I were rolling on the ground laughing." Raph is beaming, he begins to laugh harder at the memory.

"oh shut up." Leo snaps but Raph keeps laughing.

"Your face haha it was so hahah funny" Raph bends over and holds onto his knees as he laughs. Leo's a mix between laughter and annoyance.

"I said," Leo shifted off the couch, "shut up!" Leo launches and lands on his little brother. They wrestle around a little, Leo begins to laugh and his eyes were bright with enjoyment. Now adays, it's hard to see them like this. When Raph isn't shouting out Leo, and Leo isn't trying to harden against the world. I hear myself starting to laugh out of pure joy as I watch from the couch.

I'm usually the turtle getting beat up, so from a bystanders point of view, I gotta say, it's hilarious.

Out of the corner of my eye, Donnie slides into view. His mouth tilts upwards as he watches the oldest two wrestling and laughing.

"whats going on?" He asks me with a growing smile. But before I can answer him, Leo grabs Donnie's ankle,

"You were laughing too!" Leo said as he pulls Don down. Donnie lets out a little yelp but is soon busy trying to fight his way out of Leo's death grip. I can feel the happiness bubbling through me, washing away all the fear and pain. I hear wave after wave of laughter escape from my mouth. This is what I need, just good old brother fun. For a second I forget about the dream, about the fire. I forget about my fear and the pain. I stand up on the arm of the couch, above the turtle pile. Donnie, somehow, became pinned to the bottom and Raph was thrown over him, shell facing up. Leo grins with triumph as he pushes down on Raph's shell, successfully trapping both of his brothers.

"HEY! Aren't you guys missing someone?" I feel a wicked grin go across my face. All three of my brothers stop and look above at me. All of their faces twist in a look of amused panic. I jump off and hold my arms out for a belly flop. I hear Donnie yell out from under the heap of turtles,

"NOOO"

but its too late and I land hard on Leo's plastron. I hear all of my brothers groan in pain as the new weight is added on. I grin smugly as I sit on top of Leo's shell.

Oh brothers, I would be lost without them.

**OOO Sibling love! Theres a little stress reliever for ya Mikey. SO whatcha think? Review! c; Don't leave a girl hanging! **


	9. Chapter 9- Am I crazy yet?

**Hey party people! This chapters a little rough and not too exciting, but every story has these kinds of chapters anyways! emjoy! c; oh and ty yet again to the people who review and favorite/follow! It really makes me happy that people are even reading this! YAY, go you.  
><strong>

"Why am I always on the bottom?"

Donnie wheezes out from underneath the pile of turtles.

"Ah come on Donnie! Think of it as smoothin ya with love, like a giant group hug." Raph smirks and tries to shift to a comfortable position under both Leo and my lovely self. I happily sit criss cross on Leo's shell

"Well my crushed lungs have had enough of this love! Why can't we be *normal* siblings and stick with a high five, a pat on the back, or a friendly smile?" Donnie sputters.

"Uh Don, if you didn't realize, we already range in the abnormal, I think we gave up trying to do anything normal years ago." Leo says and tries to push off of Raph with me still on his back. Raph grunts and Donnie lets out a struggling gasp as Leo adds pressure to their shells.

"I blame Mikey, he has ruined the slim chance for anything in our lives to be normal." Raph teased.

"Oh yeah?" I smirked and fall dead weight, pushing down on my brothers. Leo, who was currently trying to get up, falls back down into the heap. He moans and both Raph and Donnie let out a pained grunt.

"Gosh Mikey! When did you get so heavy?" Leo asks teasingly.

"Are you implying I am getting fat?" I gasp dramatically but smile.

"If we say no, will you let us get up?" I think about it for a second but then redirect the conversation.

"You know, even if I was fat, I'd still be faster then Raph...and prettier." I giggle as Raph lets out a low growl.

"watch it buddy." Donnie and Leo both chuckle. Well, Donnie attempts to chuckle but it comes out huffy and breathless.

"Well, that's not saying much Mike! Raph just adds to the turtle stereotype of being slow." Donnie grins triumphantly. Raph shoves Don's face into the floor with his free arm. Donnie begins to muffle words but I can't hear what he is saying. Raph then turns his head trying to look at Leo, but doesn't have much success.

"Anything to add Fearless?"

"Me? never." Leo says with a quick smirk. Raph lets go of Donnie's face and Don makes a dramatic gasping for air. Leo pushes me off and I let him. Both Don and Raph take in huge breaths and stumble to their feet.

"Okay, so now that we are done breaking my lungs, I need to tell you guys what I found out.." Donnie says and the entire atmosphere changes. My brothers faces instantly turn into a solemn, serious frown. I feel the reality of the situation and the fear spread back into me. It feels like a punch in the gut. All of us have our full attention on Donnie.

"Well, there seems to be some unknown substance in Mikey's system, basically a poison. Except It's unfamiliar to me and I don't know what it is doing to his body. Obviously they are causing dreams and hallucinations but I can't pin point what else is going on or how."

Poison? I was poisoned? how? When!? At least I'm not crazy. At least something has been making me act crazy. I hope. A new wave of fear ripped through my mind. Am I going to die? Can it be stopped? Leo must have read my thoughts,

"Is there anything you can do to stop it Don?"

Donnie thought about it for a second, then shrugged with a sad sigh.

"I'm not exactly sure but I can try. I don't know if it is fatal or not...however, I believe his hallucinations are going to get worse."

Oh great. Because they weren't bad enough already! Also, I may or may not be dying. Great, just great. Really just a cherry on top.

"How was he poisoned?" Raph asked Don. Donnie's face scrunches up into though. It takes about a minute but then he snaps his fingers,

"Oh duh! Mikey was stabbed with a small knife about a week ago. I remember thinking about how odd it was for the foot to just stab him in the arm with a tiny knife. The blade must have been coated with the strange poison and it went into his blood stream."

I am going to hurl. I suddenly feel weak and tired. My head starts to pound in my hears and the world spins. I see two of everything and sit down, trying to take calming breaths. I am shivering and sweating at the same time. I just can't stop shaking! I think I am having a panic attack.

I feel Donnie sit down next to me, he grabs my shoulders and looks me hard in the eyes.

"Mikey, I swear to you that I am going to find a cure."

I stare at Don and know what this means. He is going to be working non stop, sacrificing sleep and food to figure this out. He is going to spend countless of hours in his lab, and when he doesn't find the results he wants he will get frustrated, have a break down, and then work from a different angle. I trust Donnie's skills, but I feel the doubt and fear rumbling through my body. There are just too many unanswered variables. Is it killing me? If so, how long do I have? What other damage will it do?

I stop and reflect on my dreams. Not only is each dream getting worse, but I am seeing them when I am awake. There is no escape from them. No escape. What will this mean? What will happen to mental health? If I wasn't going crazy before, I know I must be now, especially if Donnie doesn't find a cure soon.

I just don't know how long I will be able to remain sane.

* * *

><p>I haven't had a hallucination since the fire. My skin still felt burnt, I told Donnie about how I am still feeling the pain and he says it could be something the poison is doing to my brain. I think he is implying that the pain is my head, great. So apparently there isn't much we can do about it, but he gave me a small pain killer anyways. I am also unintentionally and extremely paranoid. Sometimes I find myself staring around the room for hours, just waiting. Waiting!<p>

Waiting is the worst! I am pretty impatient as it is. I have to wait for Donnie to figure out what is going on, I am waiting for a cure. The worst is that I am waiting for another hallucination to happen. What if I don't become lucid again? How do I know if it is real or not? Maybe I am just having a really bad nightmare and I can't wake up. Ha, maybe I am dreaming about having dreams, dreamception.

I slowly spin in the spiny chair in Don's lab. My eyes just trail along the clutter of equipment as I make my way around and around. At every point I see Donnie standing over a table. He is busy at work and only speaks when he needs to ask me a question or checking in on me; making sure that I haven't gone insane yet. He had to take so more of my blood so he could do some testing or something, I don't know. I am not all that sciencey, which just makes it more frustrating. I look over at Don again, normally I bug him when he is working on things. I like to keep him company and even though he acts like he is annoyed, I know he likes it too. But right now I just don't feel like talking.

WOW, never thought **that** was possible! I sigh and get up from the chair, slightly dizzy from my obsessive spinning. Don is so focused he doesn't notice, so I just walk out of the lab. I continue through the lair and stop at the pool of water that leads to the rest of the sewers. I look down at it and see my reflection. I kneel down and look closer and the outline of myself becomes clearer. I tilt my head side ways as I look into my shockingly bright blue eyes. I hate how big they are, It makes me look like I am five.

"How long do you have till you go crazy?" I whisper to myself. What if I go crazy, and don't get ...uncrazy? Will I even know? What will it feel like. oh heck, facing potential insanity is going to drive me insane!

I stick out a hand to splash at my hazy reflection but as soon as my hand touches the water, something grabs at me. What? I try to pull back but it won't budge. My friendly pal, fear, comes crashing down on me. What is this? what's going on? I look closer, my face hovering just above it, but I don't see anything.

I feel my body fall over and I hear a startled yelp release my lips. Then a crackling of water fill my ears before a constant small streaming sound. I feel my body sink deeper into the depths. I don't remember it being that deep. Suddenly I feel my body hovering, whatever it was, it let go. I look around me and see the darkness of the water, looking up I attempt to swim towards the top. Good thing I'm a turtle!

before I get to the top, I feel something grab onto my foot and pull me back down to where I was. Instant fear split my brain. My eyes widen as I look all around me, but I see nothing but water.

Whats going on? is this real? Is someone attacking me? I try to swim to the top again but this time I feel a hard, relentless wave smash into my chest and it sends me deeper in the water. I heard the swooshing sound of the water keeping me down.

I am not being attacked by a person, but by the _water._

**Bad water! Bad! Review por favor! C:  
><strong>


	10. Chapter 10-Watery Grave

**So this one is short because I was going to add more...but then I thought it would just be more dramatic if I left it like this c: HEHE! **

_This isn't real. This isn't real! I need to focus. I need Calm myself down. It isn't real. I keep repeating it to myself, but I can't calm down. It just feels real! The water around stalks me, circling around my body, waiting. The silent hunter is waiting for the opportune moment, when I am weak. I feel a slight strain in my lungs, I need to breath soon. I watch as the little air bubbles squeeze out of my nose, rising to the top. How envious I am of those bubbles. I stare above me, I can see the water wiggling, making calm little waves on the surface. __I want to get up there, I want to follow my air bubbles to the top, where the air is free. _

_But under the dark water, air is slowly stripped from my body. I turn my head and watch the water move, a flowing stream humming in my ear and lightly pulsing against my body. I know it's been only a couple minutes but it feels like hours.  
><em>

_My lungs tighten painfully, pushing up against my ribs. I feel the pressure pounding against my chest, it slips up to my throat and burns. A new wave of fear washes over me. I am not dying, its not real. Donnie said this was in my head, its not real. It can't be real. I am okay, I will snap out of it. I hope. _

_My body is still, hovering in the water. I hope I wake up soon. I just...need...to focus. Focus. A new wave of fear hits me.  
><em>

_This isn't real. This isn't real. _This is not real.

No. A gut feeling overwhelms my sense.

My lungs give out, I am out of air. It is real.

I am going to die. Survive. I need to survive. Swim. Air!

I feel my body finally move, a new panic sweeping over my system. I push out with my legs and arms, propelling towards the top. The water that was stalking me, choose this time to attack. It viciously grabs onto my arms. The pressure of the waves are pushing me back towards the depths. I kick out and my body is thrashing against it. The water is relentless. I fight in desperation but the water wraps around me body like a snake, holding me in place.

I am absorbed in water, I can't move. It locks my arms close to my body and my legs are being held down. I can't move. I can't move, I can't breathe! Air! I need air. My lungs burst with pressure and a painful hum rips through my body. The water rushes into me, through my nose and mouth. It digs down into my stomach. It is knocking on the door to my lungs.

NO! I need to scream! I try to scream but I hear nothing, I have nothing. I am all out of air. I just want to scream, I want to fight! I want to cry.

Air. Breathe! I need air!

I attempt to pull away from the water hugging my body but it tightens it's hold on me. My heart is pounding in my ears, it's overwhelming the mad rush of water. The water is reaching my brain, I feel the lack of oxygen in my body. My brain screams out to move, to survive. I can't! I can't. I can't survive. I can't move. I can't breathe. My lungs open and make a last desperate attempt to soak in oxygen, but the water takes the advantage and pounces. My entire body is pulsing with pressure and pain. I am going to die. No hope. I am dying, No air.

Air. please. Help! I call out for my brothers but the water chokes down all the noise.

I hear the pounding of my heart slow, the lack of blood pumping finally taking it's toll.

I feel a new darkness prick the corner of my eyes. I stare longingly at the surface as I open my mouth to scream. My desire to scream is never met, the dark closes in around me. This is how I die. I wish I could say the last thing on my mind are my brothers, my father. I wish I could tell them I love them before I go. But the last thing in my mind is my animal instinct to survive.

The last thing on my mind, Air.

I see my watery grave, then the world goes dark. **Air.**

**Intense! I'll try to post another chapter soon! very soon. Review! and let me know what you think :) thanks! **


	11. Chapter 11-Please

**Okay! So this is not how I originally planned all this to happen...but it's just kind of how it decided to go. I like it c: I think this chapter is a TAD bit choppy but still good. Or I hope. soooooo ya! MUAHA. **

**oh and thank you for the people who have been reviewing! People like InsaneDutchGirl,Crow4711, .7 and all you Guest people! you guys are awesome. Heck all you people who read this are awesome! give yourself a warm hug. **

"MIKEY" Leo shouts as he dives into the water. Just moments before he watched his little brother from across the room, just staring into the water. Then, Mikey just jumped in. Leo thought nothing of it until Mikey didn't resurface for a good ten minutes. As turtles, they can hold their breath for a long time, but because of their mutation, they have found out they cannot hold it as long as normal turtles can.

Leo rushes towards the water and jumps in. Why did Mikey jump ? Why wasn't he resurfacing? Was he suicidal? Is he hallucinating?

Leo swims deeper into the water and sees a green body, floating. As Leo nears Mikey, he sees bright blue eyes, staring right at him. Leo hovers in front of his baby brother and just stares back. Mikey blinks once but doesn't seem to recognize Leo, or even acknowledge the fact that he SEES Leo. Leo looked closer and saw panic and fear in those eyes, similar to fire incident. Without hesitation, he reaches out to grab Mikey and pull him to surface.

As soon as Leo touches Mikey, he feels the younger brother tense up. Leo ignores this and pulls him and kicks upward. Mike reacts instantly and rips out of Leo's grip and swims away from him.

Confusion sets on Leo's face as he follows Mikey. Mikey stills yet again and just stares, watching the water move around him. Leo launches at the turtle and grabs onto him firmer, pulling up with all his strength. Mikey kicks out wildly and fights against being pulled, using his own weight to push down deeper. Leo tries again but the same results occur, in the water, they have an equal amount of strength.

Seeing the end results of each time Leo tries to drag him upwards, he now makes way for the top, swimming fast. As soon as his head is above water he shouts out,

"DONNIE! HELP!" Leo then watches as Donnie bursts from the door, looking around for Leo. Raph too appeared from the rooms and jumps down. They both notice Leo as he waves wildly and run towards him.

"What happened?" Donnie says as he runs. He skids to halt and squats down to talk to Leo. Raph stood behind him with worry written all over his face.

"I don't know! Mikey just jumped in, and now I can't pull him up! He keeps fighting me. Guys, he's drowning himself." As he says the last part, Raph dives in the water with Leo and immediately swims into the depths. Leo follows him down and hears a muffled splash behind him. As Leo and Don reach Mikey, Raph is already trying to pull him up. But Mikey fights against Raph like he did with Leo. Raph lets go after it noticiing it wasn't working and looks helplessly at Don.

Donnie looks closer and notices Mikey trying to gasp for air. The orange masked turtle starts thrashing around the water, almost as if he is trying to fight it. Donnie swims over and pulls on Mikeys arm but Mikey pushes back again. Raph is suddenly next to Donnie and pulls with him. Leo swims behind Mikey and pushes up as Raph and Don pull. Mikey kicks out with both his legs and his arms, attempting to keep from going up. The progress is slow because it is hard to keep a strong grip on the turtle, but it is working.

Then, Mikey's thrashing just stopped. This surprises Leo and he stops pushing, looking at what is happening. He glances at his other two brothers and know they notice it too.

Mikey's eyes look different.

The usual light is gone. The happiness, the mischief, the warmth...all gone. The bright blue eyes are dulled and wide. They glaze over as they stare above towards the surface. Donnie opens his mouth and shouts something that is not audible in the water. All that Leo knows, is that Don is freaking out. Leo feels dread and panic split through his body, it prickles his skin with coldness. He and Raph both give a knowing look.

Mikey, is out of time.

Raph then reacts quickly, shooting a hand out like a viper and grabs onto Mikey's wrist and pulls him to the surface. He fires out of the water and drags Mike up on the ground, laying face up.

"Mikey! stay with us buddy!" Raph shouts as Donnie and Leo climb out after them quickly. Donnie kneels down on the side of Mikey.

"Come on Mikey! Breathe!" Donnie shouts and reaches down to check Mikey's pulse. Leo stands next to Raph, Raphs breathing turns heavy. Leo knows his brother is on the edge of breaking down. The leader in blue himself just stares down at the lifeless form. To afraid to move, overcome with shock. As Donnie feels his pulse, a new wave of panic washes over the young genius' face. His heart is stopped.

"No, no no no! Mikey no!" Donnie whispers and pushes hard down in the center of Mikey's chest. He pumps his hands up and down hard, putting weight into it. He is mumbling to himself as he counts quietly at the task. Then he stops and bends over, tilting Mikey's head back and pinches at the nose. He covers his mouth over Mike's and puffs his cheeks as he blows. He turns his head to the side and gasps in air then blows into Mikey's mouth again. He does this a twice before going back to the pumping. This time a frustrated and hurried noise escapes from Donnie.

"Come on...come on!" He mumbles, tears start to fall down his face. Raph falls to his knees on the other side of Mike and Donnie. He stares at his little brother. The cold, lifelessness coming from the hard and dim blue eyes, it stabs at the red turtles heart. He felt pain in a way that he never felt before. He has always been emotional, he knows all about emotional pain, or so he thought. This is different then anything he has felt before. This can't be happening, not Mikey. Never Mikey. He feels little shivers crawling at his skin and something rumbles through his throat. He opens his mouth and hears himself shout,

"Mikey. Don't do this to us." He felt a sob escape and his voice shrinks into a whisper,

"**Please**...don't do this to us."

Donnie switches back to breathing into Mikey's mouth. Leo just watches in shock. He can't move, can't speak, can't cry. He wasn't even sure if he was breathing! He just stares at all of his brothers, Raph breaking, Donnie panicking, and Mikey dying. He feels so helpless, so empty. Raph's words were ringing through his ears. Don't do this to us.

Donnie pushes back from Mikey's mouth with a cry, he too was sobbing now.

"YOU ARE NOT DYING MICHELANGELO." Donnie shouts at the motionless form with so much hurt in his voice, so much panic. Donnie begins to beat on Mikey's chest harder and harder. Releasing a frustrated cry with every hit. Raph breaks down even more into tears and holds onto Mikey's arm, gripping so tightly it will leave a bruise. Raph is repeating "Please", over and over again in a quiet voice. Either whispering to Mikey, or praying to a higher power. Leo continues to stare, horrified.

One thought is pulsing through Leo's brain as he watches Don cry and beat against Mikey's chest, No.

No.

No.

**O****pps. Did I do that? REVIEW PLEASE AND THANK YOU. Also sorry for the poor editing! I was determined to post another chapter before I leave for a couple days, so I had a deadline per say. SORRY!  
><strong>


	12. Chapter 12-Reality Gone Wrong

** A lot happens really fast in this chapter but it is supposed to. So just keep that in mind. I actually like this chapter because it gets interesting...well you'll see why. So Mikey's heart stopped...about that... Let chapter 12 commence! **

A thump fills my ears. It is small, weak, but there. Silence follows. it continues to do this for a while, a pattern of a shy pound then silence following, but them it changes. The next one is different. It gains confidence and thumps harder, demanding to be heard as it rings in my head. It becomes a constant thudding and I realize...It is my heart.

I am not dead.

Colors flood my eyes and I feel water fly up my throat and out of my mouth, I lean sideways to force it out of my lungs and stomach. I cough and cough, trying to empty my body of water. Then I take a breathe on my own.

My lungs burst with happiness and become greedy with oxygen. I hear my heart still pounding above my heavy breathing. The next thing I feel is pain in my chest. My body is tired and sore, but my chest is hurting. I lay back down, too exhausted to move, and just stare at the ceiling, trying to get my breathing even. I feel a body collapse on top of my chest and I wince in pain. I look down at my plastron and see a purple turtle laying on me, breathing just as hard as I am.

Donnie.

I smile and reach out to him, I see my hand shaking as I touch his shoulder and he turns his head, eyes staring into mine. I am taken back by all the emotions swirling in those usually warm eyes. A storm of fear, panic, and relief merge together. His eyes for once of his life look unsure of himself. Unsure of his own abilities, they are burning with fear. Tears stain his face and he is still crying. We stare at each other for a few moments, I know he is searching my eyes just as I am with his.  
>Donnie's face breaks into a huge smile. The smile was genuine and happy, but his eyes were still ghosts of pain. What happened? I have never seen Donnie so shaken before. His lips start to move but I can't hear them. I turn to my left and see Raph above me, his lips are moving too, making a familiar shape. I stare at him, trying to make out his words, then I realize, he's saying my name. I strain my ears to hear him.<p>

"Mikey? Mikey can you hear me? Mikey!" Raphs voice over powers the thumping of my heart and the now even breathing of my lungs. His voice is low and broken, crackling through the tears. Something shadows him that Mikey has never seen before. His normal strong passion is faded away, his confidence is gone, replaced by grief and sorrow. He doesn't even look angry, he just looks lost, he looks broken. I can fell the tenseness of his body and his emotions as he holds onto me, still not believing that I am alive.

"Raphie." My voice is hoarse to my ears. I feel Raph's body sag with relief and he starts to burst out in tears. Through the tears though, is a huge smile. He reaches out and pulls me up into a hug. I felt pain lace down my chest but I didn't care at that moment. All that matters is my brothers. Raphs arms are tight around me and digs into my body, afraid to let go of me. I heard nervous laughter fill the air. Love poured out of my brothers, I can feel it in they way they are looking at me. Whatever happened to me, it was bad. They both are overjoyed, but past that joy is still the fires of pain and grief.

"I love you so much! Don't you ever, EVER, do that to me again!" Raph says through his tears. I give a shaky smile,

"I'll try not to make it a habit." I say. Raph chuckles and crushes me into him and I let out a yelp of pain as my chest throbs.

"Raph be careful! His chest is going to be sore and bruised from the CPR." Donnie says but he too was holding onto me, he has been holding onto me ever since I opened my eyes. CPR? I look at Donnie with a confused expression. I had to be given CPR? The last thing I remember was... _drowning_. I gasp as the memories pounce on me. I was dying. I did die, my heart stopped.

I remember.

I remember The fear pulsing through my body as my lungs cried out for air. I remember my body fight against the water, begging and pleading to be released from it's death grip. I scream out but the water muffles them. I want to scream._ I need to scream. The water enters through my nose and mouth, digging down my throat to my stomach. No. I need to breathe. Leo appeared in front of my vision, I didn't see him when I woke up, he must have been standing behind me. I scream out, but this time I hear it bounce around the room._

"Mikey! you are not drowning. Mikey it's okay." Leo said as he kneels in front of me, holding onto my face and forcing me to look in his eyes.

"No Leo. The water. I need air! Air! Leo help!" I reach out for my brother, my breath beginning to hitch again. I am drowning. I am being attacked! Leo help! _No. No. Not again. I can't breath._ Please not again. I feel Raph holding onto me still, and Leo's lips are forming words but my brain blocks them out. _I gasp for air and fight the water._ Pushing Raph away as well, I don't want him to get attacked too. I feel my body shaking and sweat dripping down my face. I have to fight, for my brothers. I can't be selfish. I must protect my brothers. Donnie appears in front of me and places a mask over my mouth. I didn't notice him leave.

"Breathe, Mikey this will help." I look at Donnie, unsure of his words but I trust him. I take in a huge breath and feel the clean oxygen fill my lungs. I breathe. I sit holding the oxygen mask up to my mouth and nose. I feel Raph wrap his arms around me again, like we were magnets and couldn't be parted. I feel Donnie rubbing my shell, trying to comfort me. I stare at Leo. Behind him, I see the water shifting around on the ground, waiting to pounce and hold me down. Waiting for the kill. I watch it carefully and my stomach clenches as it moves closer to my brother. I look back at Leo, his eyes are unreadable but he gives me a wobbly smile. He sighs and leans his forehead on mine. I feel my fear starting to disappear as Leo's forehead rest on mine. My brothers. They are real, focus on that.

_They are real. aren't they? I can feel them, but that doesn't mean they are real. What If I am actually dead? I died in that water? I lean my head back from Leo's and peek behind him. The panic enters back into my brain. The water that was stalking around us, is now slithering towards Leo. It jumps back and shoots at my brother, trying to grab at him to drag him into the water.  
><em>

_"_LEO!"_ I throw my oxygen mask and tackle Leo, trying to keep the water away from him. It will not drag him down into the depths like it did me._

"Mikey please! it's not real! Whatever you are seeing it's not real." Leo says and grabs My head with both hands. Staring Me down. _It's not happening. This is not happening. Listen to your brothers. They are real. Please be real. _I close my eyes.

"Please be real Leo, please" I begin to cry. I don't know whats happening. I am insane. I must be. I feel tears pour down my face as I rock back in forth. Closing my eyes, I don't trust them anymore. My chest and body felt so weak, so sore. I was shaking uncontrollably.

"Mikey." I hear my name and look towards what sounded like Raph, "Please open you're eyes." I shake my head no. I can't.

"Mikey, focus on us. We are right here, we all are." this time it was Donnie. I peek open my eyes and sit in silence. Looking at brother to brother. I am exhausted, but so are they. Emotionally drained too, I can see the physical effects as well as the mental. I died. My heart actually stopped. That was real. The water may or may not be, but I almost died. What they must have gone through in those couple of minutes, I don't know how I would feel if I was in their place. I was dead. The knowledge of this smacked me in the face. My heartbeat was gone, I wasn't breathing at all. I felt tears drip from my eyes. I look at Donnie, knowing he saved my life, they all did. They are real. Brothers. **M****y brothers. **They will protect me.

_They will protect me._

_They will save me. _

**I really enjoyed this chapter because you get to see Mikey going crazy. I know it was so close to him almost dying, I was going to make a fluffy chapter after the emotional dying thing, then I thought, you know what...if someone goes crazy, dies, and then gets CPR'd (that's not a word, is now) back to life, it would probably push a flow blown panic attack. Plus Mikey is going insane so... I don't know about you but I would freak out...yeah anyways! Sorry for my little rant.  
><strong>

**PLEASE REVIEW!  
>You all are the best! <strong>


	13. Chapter 13-Fight

**This chapter is struggling but oh well! I plan on finishing this story in like three more chapters! So yeah, I didn't really know how to make this chapter but this next one is planned out in my mind. I hope this is good. I can't tell! D: **

They will protect me. They will. They have to! Help me. Help. I can't think. What's happening to me? I look around and notice I am in the lab, when did I get here? My chest hurts. My body hurts. My everything hurts!

I look from brother to brother, they are real and I smile. My legs are dangling and I start swinging them. My brothers keep watching me closely, they are all still shaken up and broken. Their eyes still have ghosts of sorrow and pain in them.

_Eyes_. Blue eyes, green eyes, brown eyes.

They are lucky, my eyes are failing me. My brain is failing me. Why?

Oh right! Poison. I have been poisoned. I hear a giggle release from my lips. I am dying! Maybe not physically, but mentally and spiritually. I can feel my sanity slipping away. It's inching farther and farther away from me. I am not scared about it, I'm not. I feel numb. Not even my brothers can protect me now. I don't even know if they are real.

I start to laugh

It's ironic. My body dies, but I am saved. My brain is what needs saving.

My brothers faces turn with confusion and worry as I laugh and laugh. I laugh so hard it hurts my gut.

"Mikey? Whats so funny?" I hear someone ask, I am not sure who.

"I am dying."

I look at Donnie who is the closest to me, his face twists with a mixture of determination and fear.

"No you aren't Mikey, we saved you."

I shake my head and my smile is from ear to ear.

"I am dying." I repeat again with a small giggle.

"That isn't funny!" Raph snaps angrily and takes a step towards me. I just laugh again, how cute. How cute that he thinks he can intimidate me. I faced terrors he can't imagine in the last couple of days. Right now, I am facing the fact that I am mentally unstable.

My mouth hurts from smiling but I can't stop. I feel Donnie grab onto my shoulders and look me in the eye.

"I am working on a cure! I promised you that I will find one."

I just shake my head,

"It's too late." I giggle.

"NO IT'S NOT!" Donnie screams into my face and shakes me. It just makes me laugh again. Why am I laughing? Laugh. Laugh. Laugh. Oh what fun! Who knew dying was this much fun!

"Donnie, Mikey is dying." I say. Donnie's breathing turns heavy and his face is angry and frustrated.

"Dying. Dying. Dying." I laugh. Donne picks up a beaker and chucks it at the wall. Glass shatters and falls everywhere. My brothers stare at him with shock on their faces. I just keep swinging my legs. He stands there still breathing heavy, then he breaks down. He falls to his kneels and starts crying. I stop laughing. Crying? Please don't cry brother. I feel myself resurface, the sane part of me. I get off the table and kneel in front of him.

"It's okay Donnie."

Don just shakes his head no, I don't even notice the other brothers around me I am so focused on the brother in front.

"Look at me." I say and he does.

"Look at me," I repeat, "I am going insane." Donnie just cries and cries. I never have seen him cry like this and hurts my heart.

"Before I go completely off the walls, I love you Don."

"Mikey, Please don't. I will cure you, trust me."

No he won't, he can't. He can't! I am already half gone. It's Too late.

No. He will! He is real, he can do this. Faith. I need to fight this. I need to fight my insanity. Focus on my brothers. I breath in deeply. Brothers. Safe. Protect. Real.

"I do trust you." I say and then I look around at all my brothers. Real. "But just in case, I love you all."

It's quiet for a moment, then Donnie wraps his arms around me and crushes me into him. I let him, he needs this. I need this, it is real. He is real.

Raph has tears forming in his eyes and he barges out of the room. Leo turns his head and sighs. He follows the broken brother out of the lab, probably going to talk to him.

I am dying. I try to suppress a laugh for Donnie's sake. But I struggle to do so. Why am I laughing?

I must fight.

Fight. Fight this poison. Fight this insanity. I must fight for my brothers, I know they will fight for me. I need to fight because I love them, because they need me. I need to fight because they are real. They will guide me out of this madness. They will save me. I have to ignore that part of my mind that is dark. That is threatening to take over. My inner turmoil is almost unbearable. How easy it would be to just be sucked into this madness. To let it take over. I already see parts of it coming out of me. No matter how hard this is, I can't let it win.

In this crazy reality of mine, the only things that is real are my brothers. They have been the entire time.

I must fight.

Fight.

* * *

><p>"Raph?" Leo asks as he steps forward. Raph turns his head, he doesn't want Leo to see the tears. He just can't handle this. Within a course of a day, the youngest turtle died, went basaltic and now is slipping into madness. It was too much. How are any of them functioning right now? Just dealing with a dead Mikey was a low blow. He felt a piece of him break when he saw the lifeless form, even after Mikey woke up, it didn't mend. They have all been hurt before or have had close experiences with death. But Mikey's pulse was actually gone. Gone! He wasn't breathing. It hurt, and it makes him want to puke. Raph gasps as he goes over the entire scene in his mind.<p>

Then Mikey woke up and Raph was relieved and happy, that was until Mikey went crazy. He still is going crazy.

That laugh was ringing in his ears. That was not his brother.

"Raph." Leo says and sits down on the ground next to him. Leo sighs and then does something unexpected, he lays his head on Raph's shoulder. Raph looked over at Leo, Leo's face twists and he tries to hold back tears, but then they burst out of him. Raph stares for a second then he turns and hugs him. They both cry together for a good minute, when the tears slow down, Leo pulls away.

"I honestly don't know how I still have tears left!" Leo says as he wipes his cheek with the back of his hand,"I don't think I have ever cried this much in my entire life!"

Raph chuckles a little, "Leave it up to Mikey to make Fearless leader blubber like a baby." Leo doesn't look offended.

"Or to make the big strong badass fall apart." Leo says with a small smile. They sit in silence until Leo asks, "Raph..why do you call me Fearless?"

The question surprises Raph, and makes him think. Originally, Raph meant it as a negative comment, said sarcastically when Leo got on his nerves. The only thing is, there is so much truth to it. When Raph thinks of Leo, he thinks of controlled, focused, and fearless. He admires his brother a lot for it, but he never told him that. He has always looked up to Leo, and still does. Raph shrugs,

"Because it's true."

"No it's not. I can tell you, right now, I am very afraid."

Raph sighs and looks at Leo,

"Of course you are, but you are the bravest of us all. I know I like to think I am the strongest, and maybe physically that's true." Raph looks down at the ground and feels a small blush heat his cheeks.

"But you are the strongest. You have fear, but you use it to fuel you, not break you."

Leo scoffed.

"Well when Mikey was dying, all I could do was just stand there, frozen! It was pathetic."

"Hey, that's not fair. What just happened was almost world shattering." His voice got quiet, "What will happen will be world shattering."

"Mikey is still there you know." Leo says.

"But for how long?" Raph asks, "He's already half gone. What do we do Leo? What happens when his mind breaks completely?"

Leo shakes his head, "I don't honestly know what to do. All I know is that right now, we are the only thing that seems to be keeping Mikey grounded. He needs us."

"It's poison Leo, it will eventually take him completely, at least that's what Donnie says. What then?"

"Then we pray and hope that Don finds a cure, and if he doesn't, then we will love our little brother, crazy or not. No matter what, he is still our brother."

Raph made a face. How? How could they love something that isn't Mikey anymore? Just because he looks like their brother doesn't mean he is. What makes him him is starting to fade away, replaced with a monster.

"I just want my little brother." Raph says, "I want Mikey. Annoying, mischievous, and loving." Leo throws an arm around him.

"Me too."

They stay silent for a while and just think. It felt good to talk to Leo. Even though they fight a lot, and get on each others nerves. They have a special connection. Maybe it's being the two oldest, or maybe it's because they were almost complete opposites. They needed each other to be balanced. Raph will always need his leader, and Leo will always need his warrior.

Leo stands up, and holds out his hand to help Raph. They need to be with Mikey and watch over him while Donnie works. Raph sighs and looks at the brother in blue.

"Hey Leo.."

"Yeah?"

"I don't know what I would do without you." He grabbed Leo's hand and lets himself get pulled up. They stand in front of each other, Leo's face turns into a wide smile.

"You would get in a lot more trouble."

Raph lets out a deep chuckle and shoves Leo playfully. They make their way towards the lab again, this time feeling more put together.

At least they had each other, at least they had someone to understand what they felt.

Unlike the poor orange turtle, sitting on the table. Dealing with the fact that he was halfway to crazy town.

**It's about to get crazier! **

**REVIEW PLEASE **


	14. Chapter 14-Insanity

**I wrote this chapter while listening to Fall Out Boy. Heck yes. **

**I really like this chapter a lot! I hope the rest of you feel the same way! c:  
><strong>

I open my eyes and blink away the sleepiness. I remember being tired, but I don't remember sleeping. Donnie must have given me some pills or something. I sit up and stretch out my arms, making a loud weird sound that just enhances the motion. I feel good, better then I have in a long time. My chest is still sore but It feels a hell of a lot better then it did. When I let my arms fall back into place I realize that I am the only one in the lab. Donnie, Leo and Raph aren't present. Huh. Weird. They must have taken a break or something. I swing my legs over my counter like bed, but before I stand up I flinch with surprise. I lied, someone _is_ here with me.

Raphael.

Raph is standing in front of me with a neutral, dead like face. Why didn't I see him before? Maybe it's my mind going crazy again. Still, I smile and look at my brother,

"Hey Raphie!" I say happily. But he doesn't respond, he just stares at me. It's almost as if he didn't hear me or something.

"Uh..." I look around awkwardly. What's his problem? I glance back at him and his face is the exact same as before. His stance is unmoving and it seems as if he is a cold, hard statue.

"You okay?" I grin again but still, nothing. What the heck? Why won't he respond to me? Panic floods my senses.

"R-Raph?" I stutter, what is going on? I feel a weird knot twist in my stomach. Then Raph steps towards me, which should be relieving but it actually makes me cringe away. I stand up suddenly, staring at him as he stares back, his eyes glaze over. In fact they don't even blink. The usual twinkle in his eyes are gone, the emerald green is faded, like his mind is elsewhere. He stares into me and I feel panic roll over my body. A whisper goes throughout my brain and a strong urge spreads to every inch of my being.

_Kill._

What? Where did that come from? No. I can't kill him. He's my brother.

_Kill._

No. He is my brother. He is real. I can't kill him. Please don't make me kill him! Please!

_Kill him before he kills you._

He won't kill me! He is my brother. Safe remember? Protect? I will not kill him. Please don't make me kill him.

I wait for a response, but I don't get the one I expected. Instead, Raph strikes out with his sai and slashes my face. I yell out, more from the surprise then the stinging pain. Blood trickles down my cheek and put my hand to the sharp bite of the cut. I feel the sticky red smudge between my fingers. I watch as the crimson liquid slides to the floor.

"Raph?"

I stare at the blood. No. It can't be.

He is my brother!

Protect.

Safe.

Real.

_Kill._

No. No. No. No. My brother.

Why? Why did he do this?

_Kill._

He is my brother...Isn't he? Why does he hurt me?

Is he my brother?

Protect.

Safe.

Real.

Raph drives a knee into my stomach and I fall on my knees and gasp from the throbbing sensation NO. Why?

_Kill._

NO! I can't! He has to be real. Please stop. Raph!

Raphael please. Don't do this. Don't hurt me. Protect remember? Safe? I stand back up to face him. He won't hurt me. He won't. He is safe. He is real.

_Kill._

Please, don't make me do this. I can't kill him. I will not. I can not.

Raph raises a Sai and stabs it into my plastron. I gasp as the metal meets my flesh and tears into me. I look down and the handle is sticking out, but the three pronged blades disappear into my skin. Blood begins to pour out of the wound and I stare in astonishment. _No._ I hear a deep chuckle as a green fist grabs the handle and rips the weapon out of my body, the dull blades are covered with my blood. I cry out and collapse again. Too shocked to move, to hurt to try. I feel the blood oozing out of me and pool on the floor.

Why? Why? Why? My Raphie? My Brother?

I feel something within me snap.

No.

He is not my brother.

He will not Protect.

He is not safe.

He is not real.

KILL.

* * *

><p>Donnie stares into the microscope, looking at droplets of Mikey's blood mixed with the strange poison. He tests an antidote he made recently and watches carefully, but nothing happens. Damn. Letting out a frustrated groan, he slams a hand hard on the table. The rough sound knocks his brain back into the world of the living and he hears a soft snore. Turning his head he sees Mikey passed out on the counterbed. With the help of some strong sleeping pills, the littlest one was out like a light the second he laid his head down. He is exhausted both physically and mentally. Mentally is what really scared Don, how much longer does he have till his little brother is completely gone? How much time does Donnie have left to find an antidote?

Another snore fills the room and interrupts his thoughts. Mikey doesn't snore. However Raph is infamous for it and surprise, surprise! Sitting in a chair next the makeshift bed is the said turtle, his head is buried into his arms and resting on the counter next to Mikey's hand, sleeping soundly. He must have fallen asleep a while ago but Don was too focused to even notice, Leo however is still siting in a chair next to Raph, his eyes shift from looking into space to looking at the exasperated Don.

Donnie's eyes rest on his big brother, he looks exhausted. They stare at each other for a couple of seconds until one breaks the silence,

"You look awful." Donnie says quietly. Oh nice conversation starter Don, but Leo just smirks slightly,

"I bet that you look worse then me."

"You should try to get some sleep."

"So should you." Leo replied quickly, the enervated sound caught hold in his voice. Don shook his head sternly,

"I have to keep working."

"Donnie.."

"I promised Leo. I told him I would." Don's voice was strict and stern but Leo can tell he is on a verge of another break down. The stress and pressure is getting to the genius turtle. Leo looks into the determined face of his brother and sighs. Standing up slowly, makes his way towards Donnie. Don's composure grows less confident as Leo moves closer.

"I know, but what good are you to him if you can barely keep your eyes open?"

Of course, logical Leo. But Donnie refuses to back down now, not when he has so little time. He has to do this, failure is not a option. Don clenches his fist in frustrated anger, he's not angry at Leo, but he lets his feelings lash out anyway.

"I have no time!" Donnie snaps, "do you think I enjoy being exhausted? Do you think I enjoy working hours without a break? I have to do this Leo! I have no choice. I refuse to let him down. I refuse to let myself down. Even if I try to close my eyes, you know what I see over and over again? I see Mikey dying in front us, and I am just pounding on his chest. I thought he was gone Leo. It was desperation that kept me going not hope. I thought it was too late, I thought I failed him. All my skills and knowledge, my confidence in what I can do, I lost them in that moment. I refuse to do that again. I refuse to fail him, I refuse to fail myself... I refuse to to fail all of us!"

The anger in his voice is coming off in waves, but Leo knows better. It is frustration and grief, he needs to let this out, so Leo lets him yell.

"I am not only fighting for Michelangelo's life, but for ours as well. When he was dying, I was scared out of my mind. I was scared because in that instant I saw life without our baby brother. Did you not see Raph? Did you not see me? Did you not see yourself? It would consume us all and destroy each of us from the inside." Donnie's face falls and he looks down at the ground, his voice is shaking with emotion.

"We only have each other in this life Leo, and I am not losing him again. I refuse to lose him. I can't loose him."

Leo is taken back and just stares at Donnie with shock. The truth to his words sting a little, life would never be right without Mikey. It wouldn't be right if any of them were gone. They needed each other.

"I can't loose him." Donnie says again with a quieter and soft voice. Tears build up in his eyes and one falls down his cheek. He is trying so hard to keep it together, but Leo remembers watching Donnie sob against Mikey's chest, twice. This is hard on all of them, but mostly on him. Leo see's that now. Donnie was the one who has to save him, Leo and Raph can't really do anything, they aren't as smart as Don and would only hinder his progress. So much pressure, so much riding on his shoulders. Don is the **only** one who can save him. In fact if it wasn't for the scientific turtle, Mikey would already be dead.

Leo smiles slightly and wipes the fallen tear on Don's face with his thumb.

"You saved him."

Donnie looks confused and taken back.

"What?"

"Donatello, you saved him. I don't know CPR, and Raph sure doesn't know CPR. He didn't die, you didn't fail him. You saved him. If it wasn't for you, our need for an antidote would have stopped there. I know you promised him Donnie, but you didn't have to. Mikey trusts in your abilities, we all do. I know this is too much riding on you, I know it's hard to handle. But you can do this! You can! You saved him numerous of times, you saved **us **numerous of times. You have gotten us out of sticky situations! You set our broken bones and bandage our nasty cuts! You do the best you can when it comes to serious medical emergencies! You do the impossible, and you do it when none of us have hope."

Donnie finally breaks down for the third time and leans into Leo, burying his face into the leaders neck. Sobs pour out of him as Leo just rubs the back of his shell.

"You saved him...us...a thousand times over. And you will do it again." Leo continues softly as he holds his brother.

Donnie pulls away slightly, still hugging Leo,

"Thank you." He smiles and it makes Leo smile. Donnie's smile has been absent from his face in the last devastating hours, replaced with fear and frustration.

"You got this." Leo's smile is huge and matching Don's.

Don opens his mouth to say something back until they hear a strange choking sound. Instant fear both widens their eyes as the look towards the counter, expecting to see a hallucinating Mikey.

Except...it's not Mikey. It's Raph.

He grips at the hands holding his neck tight and tries to pry them off, no luck. His eyes are open wide and staring into the face of his younger brother. Donnie and Leo are both too shocked to act right away, they stare at Michelangelo strangling Raph. Mikey's face is clouded, dark and determined. His eyes are ablaze with anger and vengeance as he squeezes the red masked turtles throat. The most frightening part is, he almost seems to be enjoying it.

"Michelangelo, Stop!" Leo yells out, and is the first to react. He makes his way to his brothers and steps in the middle. He struggles to get Mikey's hands off of Raphs throat. He works on unprying his fingers and soon Donnie was pulling at the strangling turtle, trying to get Raph out of Mikey's reach. Finally they unhook the hands off of the second eldest and he falls out of harms away. Raph buckles to the floor and coughs, trying to breath again. Gulping in air and holding his hand up to his throat, feeling the sore and already bruised neck.

Mikey is staring down, breathing heavily and gritting his teeth. He is shaking visibly with what seems to be anger. Leo shuffles closer slowly and Mikey's head instantly snaps up. Leo gasps and automatically takes a step back in what he sees. His eyes are bright with rage and a drive to kill. Whatever Leo was looking at, it was not his baby brothers shockingly sweet blue eyes, they were cold, harsh, and fierce.

"That is not Michelangelo"

As soon as Leo says it, the rampaging turtle pounces at Leo and tackles him to the floor. He sits astride him and begins to punch his face, hard.

Over. And over. And over.

Mikey lashes out with his fists, so quickly that Leo is struggling to block them. Blood starts to trickle down Leo's face and Mikey's knuckles, but he keeps going. Leo pushes at Mikey, trying to get him off but the turtle just yells out with a war like shout and begins to punch harder, pushing down on Leo's plastron to keep him in this position.

"Mikey! Stop" Donnie screams and tries to pull Mikey away from Leo, but the turtle shoves him off and continues. Don looks around the lab quickly, where is it? He kept it near just in case!

His shaky hands knock over some equipment in an anxious search to find the tranquilizer.

Aha! He grabs it and turns back around. Raph is struggling to hold a thrashing and yelling Mikey down on the ground. He must have managed to get him away from Leo, somehow. But Leo is still laying on the ground bleeding. Conscious, but barely.

Donnie looks back at the struggling turtles. Mikey starts to kick out with his legs because his arms are being held down, but Raph's hold is beginning to loosen and Mikey is flailing out of his grip.

"Donnie!" Raph wheezes out with a sore and hoarse voice from being strangled.

Don snaps out of his bewilderment and runs towards them. He kneels on the ground and injects the syringe into Mikey, then they wait for the drug to knock him unconscious. Mikey starts to howl and shout out in desperation like a wild animal, but Donnie can barely hear it. Leo's words were still pounding through his head and screaming in his ears,

_That is not Michelangelo._

**Heh Heh Heh. WHAT HAVE I DONE? c: **


	15. Chapter 15-Run

**Okay, so first off, Mikey doesn't seem too crazy but that's because this is his perspective. Insane people usually don't realize what they are doing batshit crazy because they justify it with their own means. So keep that in mind that he's actually gone coo coo. Also this chapter makes me cringe; I had to stop a couple times to take a breather just because you'll see. It's not actually that bad, I've read worse! It's just kind of EHHHHHH to think about it. I can like hear what it would actually sound like and AH It makes me squirm because I can just…no. I can't even talk about it.**

Pain.

It fires throughout my body and I feel myself quivering. No not quivering, convulsing. My muscles won't stop twitching and jerking. Poison, it must be the poison. Yet when I look down I see blood pouring from my plastron and dread bursts through me. A dull blade slashes at my face from my memory and I flinch. Raph did this, Leo too. No. It wasn't them. I recoil again as my memory sparks and I feel the Katanas slash out at me. They look like my brothers, but they don't deserve to be called such. They are not them, they are imposters. If I see them again I will finish what I started.

I try to get up but instant searing agony rips through me, starting from my wrists. I must go on, no matter the pain. I need to escape.

This is real now. Or maybe I am insane.

I can't tell anymore. It doesn't matter. What matters is the now. What I see. What I feel; and I feel betrayed. They told me they were real, they told me they would protect me.

_LIARS. _

They weren't real. This entire time they lied to me and they will pay. I have to ignore the suffering; I have to get out of here. I again attempt to push to a sitting position when the white hot stinging erodes my mind.

No. I must go on. Ignore it, it doesn't matter anymore. I try to it up again but now it isn't only pain that I notice, I physically cannot move. Something is holding me down.

I turn my head and gaze at my hands.

The first thing I notice is a red wrapped handle of a Sai. I follow it down and I see the short two prongs. The blood, no, _My_ blood still drips off of the tips and splashes on the counter, keeping a steady beat in the silence. I feel my breathing pick up when I realize where the long crimson soaked blade is going, directly into my wrist. I stare in horror at the Sai sticking out of skin. If I can't get up, that means it must be all the way through. I gag and want to throw up at the sight. I can't feel my fingers; all I feel is the excruciating throbbing.

_Monsters. _

_Liars. _

I need to get out of here. That's all that matters. Escape. An idea crosses my mind, I do not like it.

I look down at my wrist and cringe; this is really, really going to hurt. I clench my hand into a ball and use my strength to push my wrist up along the middle prong. Immediately I can't breathe. White agony blinds my eyes as I slide up towards the handle. I am glad I can't see or I would surely be throwing up. I whimper as it moves horrendously slow, as if the blade keeps getting caught on my muscles. I am going back and forth between breathing heavy and not at all. I can feel the dull Sai slide against my flesh; I hear the slick sound of skin and bone scrapping against the cold, harsh metal. The sound crackles and hisses in my ears, making me want to vomit. Tears prick my eyes as my wrist meets where the handle and blade meet.

I let out the breath that I was holding and let the pain throb. I look at my red soaked wrist and the blade sticking out of both ends. I sallow back my queasiness and study my predicament. The weapon is more blood then metal anymore. I look at the Sai that's digging into the counter, cracking the concrete. This might not work, but it's worth a shot. I Clench my fingers again and use all of my strength to push against the handle.

I scream out in anguish as I pull up. I feel the Sai move slightly and it gives me the encouragement I need. I stop to take a quick breath, regaining my strength again. I yank up. My arm is shaking and I growl out in both pain and determination. Sweat drips down my body as every nerve is tingles. After minutes of grunting and heaving upwards, the Sai pulls out of the concrete and my arm swings upwards from the momentum. I breathe heavily and sweat drips into my eyes. The Sai is still completely through my wrist still, but I can't get it out until my other hand is free. Luckily the other one won't be as painful. I grab the handle with my free hand and cool my breathing.

I pull out quickly as if ripping off a Band-Aid and groan. My hand is free of the blood drenched Sai. I sit up and reach over to jerk the other blade out of my agonizing wrist when I hear the door open. I instantly lie back down and turn my head, pretending that I am still unconscious.

_This is real now. He is not my brother. He is not real. _

I feel his gaze rest on me for a while, and then I hear the soft patter of feet walk across the room. I turn my head gradually and notice his back is too me. Good.

I stare at the purple mask hatefully. They told me they were real that they would protect me. Yet they hurt me. They did this to me. It can't be them; my brothers would never do this to me. Everything is a lie now, right? Or is this my new reality? I don't know. I really don't know! What is the truth? What is the lie?

No. This is real, this is the truth. Just because I never thought I would see my brother's do this to me doesn't mean it's not real. I will not live in denial. I will not be deluded. Not like last time. I thought I was safe, but he was going to kill me. They are not safe, this time I will hurt him before he has a chance to hurt me. A faint thought whispers across my brain.

_Escape. _

Escape. Yes.

I drill holes in the back of his head as I pull out the other Sai. Confusion and rage fill within me and I don't even feel the pain. I am numb. My hands are wet from the blood and I push myself off of the counter. I quietly make my way towards the turtle wearing the purple mask. He doesn't hear my footsteps; I grab a large piece of equipment and hold it above my head, waiting to crash it down on top of him. I feel awkward pressure on my wrists, but I don't care. Numb. Before I bring the large hunk of equipment down on his head I hear him shout out with joy,

"G-Guys….GUYS! I DID IT! I FOUND AN ANTIDOTE!"

I slam it over his head and he instantly crumples to the floor. I must move, fast. I burst out of the doors and hid in the shadows as I hear footsteps run towards me. I sit silently in the shadows and watch two other turtles run past me, too focused on the doors in front to notice me. They rush into the lab and I bolt.

They cannot trick me again; I know what is real now.

As I exit into the sewers, I hear frightened and angry shouts behind me. I know what I must do now.

_Run. _

**Well, there's that. REVIEW PLEASE AND THANK YOU.  
><strong>


	16. Chapter 16-One Little Push

**I was reading one of those fanfics that have like 5 million reviews…okay maybe I'm exaggerating…but a lot of reivews/follows/faves and it was (of course) soooo freaking good. I now feel like my work is a piece of crap! Anyone hate that? Were you read a REALLY GOOD fic and then it's like, No way. Nu uh! My stuff is going to go hide in the corner and never be seen again! I am going to throw it in a can and burn it! I FEEL LIKE I DID EVERYTHING WRONG. Dang good fanfics…..dang you. I love you and I hate you. **

**But oh wells. I'll just sallow my pride and suck it up. I enjoy this chapter alot c:  
><strong>

"DONNIE!" Raph shouted and kneeled down next to his brother. He grabbed his arms and eased him up gently. Don was conscious but obviously confused; he most likely had a concussion. He groaned as Raph moved him into a sitting position. Leo walked past them and towards the counter where Mikey was supposed to be laying. He looked at the leather cuffs that they used to hold Mikey down and expected to see them ripped. However, they were still firmly intact. He must have wiggled his wrists out of them. Or he broke his thumbs. Leo winced at the thought and sharply glanced at his two brothers on the ground

"He probably left the Lair."

Raph looked up at him with wide eyes and fear.

"Leo, it'll take forever to find em! He could be in the sewers or heck, anywhere in the city!"

Leo just shook his head,

"He couldn't have gotten far. We will split up. I'll go up top and you look in the sewers."

Leo looked at the disordered Don who groaned; rubbing his aching head.

"Are you okay?"

"Fine. I'll go with you."

"No." Leo replied immediately, "You probably have a concussion, just stay here and wait for us." Leo strode quickly to the door and turned slightly when he recalled the joyous news before finding Donnie lying on the ground. The antidote!

"You do have the antidote, right?"

"There is no way in hell I am staying here!" Donnie growled angrily and shot dangers at his brother; ignoring the leader's question.

"You are staying here!" Leo growled back and took a step forward to intimidate his little brother, but Donnie was undaunted by it.

"Like hell I am! I won't just sit here and wait!" Even sitting on the ground Donnie's proud and intimidating face matched Leo's. He was prepared to fight this.

"Yes you will. That's an order!" Leo hissed. Donnie was about to argue more when Leo snapped,

"We don't have time to argue. You are staying."

Donnie knew he was right; he swallowed his stubbornness. He glared at him with anger but nodded his head once in compliance, wincing from the motion.

"The Antidote?" Leo gritted through his teeth with frustration; obviously hurried to get moving.

"Well I only did one test so-"

"Then test it again!" Leo cut him off and started out the door, "And make sure it's ready when we get back." Donnie sighed and nodded his head; he flinched at the pain again. Raph gave Donnie's shoulder a slight squeeze and got up to follow Leo out of the lab without a word. Raph was seething but underneath that anger was fear. Raph and Leo both bolted out of the door and glanced at each other before parting ways.

"Call immediately if you find him." Leo yelled as they split up. He climbed up the ladder and pushed out of the manhole cover. It was pouring rain.

_Oh perfect!_ Leo thought. He made way for the roofs, hoping the height would grant him a better view. Leo's mind was racing with all the possible scenarios as he climbed quickly. Mikey was not in his right mind, he could be wandering the streets of all Leo knew. He feared not only for Mikey, but to anyone who he would come in contact with. Memories of being punched in the face made him flinch as he reached the top of the roof. Mikey was dangerous. He looked around but still had a hazy vision through the gray sheets of rain. He took a deep breath and a followed his gut. His feet started moving in a direction automatically.

_Mikey is this way, I can feel it. _

Fear pulsed through his brain but he used it as a motivator to speed up.

_Use it to Fuel me, like Raph said it does. _

The rain pelted against his skin like tiny frozen bullets. He squinted as water droplets fell into his eyes but ignored them. Jumping from roof to roof, he let his body take control. His legs were operating on autopilot while his brain was constantly thinking about Mikey. Not only was he dangerous but he was vulnerable. He tried to shake of his emotions and focus on the task at hands.

_Control Leo. Come on, focus! Panicking won't help! _

Leo looked at the building next to him which was taller than the others and started to climb up. A feeling pricked his senses and he knew that he needed to go this way. He scaled the building quickly from experience. As he got to the top, he took a second for his intuition to tell him what to do next. Nothing came to him. Slightly flustered he looked around him again; he found nothing but rain and the watery city.

He was about to move on when an outline of a person caught his eye. He turned towards it and moved closer. He proceeded quietly and approached the person cautiously. As he got closer he barely made out the silhouette of a shell. Relief and joy soared through him until he saw how close the figure was to the edge. Way to close, practically balancing on his heels!

The turtle had his back to Leo and his head was tilted down at the ground below. He wasn't moving, just frozen still as his toes dangled off the edge. He didn't look like he was even breathing!

"Take another step and I will kill you." Mikey's voice was cruel and bitter. Leo stopped instantly, surprised he was heard. He froze and waited. He didn't even risk blinking. He was afraid if he did then Mikey would jump.

"Mikey! Get away from there!" Leo called out, his voice cracked slightly through the downpour. Mikey turned his head horrendously slow but kept his back to him. He was halfway looking over his shoulder at the eldest. Leo could scarcely make out the icy cold smile on his face.

"You aren't my leader anymore. You can't tell me what to do." His voice was emotionless and rough. It didn't even sound like his little brother. Leo choked down an anxious sallow as he recalled his own words, _That is not Michelangelo. _

**That isn't his voice.**

"W-What?" He stuttered. Leo took a breath to gain his control and composure. "What do you mean?" Leo shouted through the loud pattering of the rain.

It was silent. Then Mikey threw his head back and laughed. The laugh ripped through the harsh splatter of the storm. It was sharp, making Leo's skin crawl.

**That isn't his laugh.**

"Fine, play your games. I won't fall for them anymore." Leo was about to call out when Mikey spoke again,

"Isn't it funny?" He shouted out, the sound of his voice was pure fascination. Reminding Leo of Donnie when he found something remarkable.

"Isn't it funny how little it takes to reach insanity? Only a couple days, and look how far I have fallen."

He leaned forward a little and looked down at the watery pavement below. Leo shivered and his skin felt clammy as his little brother leaned. He took a couple of slow steps towards him, seeing Mikey more clearly now.

"One little push and that's all it takes."

A sick smile tilted the corner of Mikey's lips,

"One…Little…push." He leisurely sounded out every word.

Leo felt horror crash through his body and shouted, vibrating with anger and fear.

"DON'T YOU DARE JUMP MICHELANGLO! SNAP OUT OF IT! This isn't you. This is the poison talking!"

Mikey chuckled and it made Leo sick. Leo again slowly and silently shuffled closer, small steps so Mikey wouldn't notice.

"How can you tell anymore? I certainly can't." Mikey was still smiling callously.

**That isn't his smile. **

Leo felt fierce determination well up in him. He can't be all gone, he can't be! Michelangelo is in there; Leo could feel his little brother's spirit still there; somewhere.

"You aren't all gone! You are still there. Don't do this. Listen to me…I will help you! "

"LIAR!" Mikey shrieked out resentfully; showing the first hint of real emotion. His hands made balls of angry fists but he stayed put. "Do not lie to me! I have had enough of your illusions!" He gritted through his teeth.

"I am done with the lies!" He screamed out. Not to Leo though, to the world.

Leo took a chance and jumped forward, reaching for him but felt a hard kick to the gut. He went flying backwards and landed on his shell. He groaned but quickly snapped his head up. Mikey was now facing him but still balancing on the edge of the tall building; his heels hanging off the edge. His eyes were glazed over, cold and emotionless. The terrifying smile he had on his face was gone. He looked like a wax figure just staring into space. His face was neutral and blank.

**That isn't his face.**

He started to tilt backwards.

"DON'T!" Leo screamed out.

Mikey's eyes snapped to Leo's and softened; sparked with sadness and hurt. They gazed at Leo with pained love. The blue turtle studied those bright blue eyes.

**But those are his eyes! **Those bright loving baby blues are all Mikey.

Leo's own eyes widened as he recognized the small part of his brother, his real brother. Mikey was still there! He was! He really was! He was unstable, but still there. It would be enough, enough to save him from this madness. Joy soared through Leo! He can be saved still.

But it's not up to Donnie anymore. It's not Donnie who has to save him now. It's not Raph who has to protect him.

It's up to Leo.

Leo felt his body move before he told it to, getting to his feet and launching towards the edge.

"Goodbye Leo." Mikey whispered. The first time the he actually called Leo by his name.

And then he was gone.

"NO!"

Leo dove off the roof; air and rain smack against his skin. He watched in front of him as his baby brother was inches below him. Falling to his death; destined to hit the ground with a sickening thud seconds before Leo did. Leo reached out but missed by mere centimeters.

He saw the ground closing in on them fast and again shot his arm forward, stretching out as far as he could. His fingers brushed against Mikey's skin but he couldn't get a hold.

He couldn't reach! Fear laced his brain but he kept pushing down through the sticking air to grab onto Mikey. With a loud battle cry and stretched his arm out once more in desperation and determination. The only thing left running through Leo's brain was Donnie's stinging words,

_We only have each other in this life Leo. I am not losing him... _


	17. Chapter 17-I Am Weak

**Alot of stuff happens and quickly in this chapter! Hope you all like it...So where did we leave off? Oh yes...Leo and Mikey falling to their death... **

Leo's fingers caught Mikey in the air with one arm and dragged him against him. With his free hand he quickly wiped out his grappling hook and snapped it upwards, praying that it would latch onto something. They were still high in the air when the rope jerked. Leo felt the painful vibration tear up his arm and he grunted through his teeth as it pulled; he ignored the pain. He held on for dear life as his other arm securely hugged Mikey to his body. They slowly swung back and forth through the rain as Leo held onto the rope.

They were saved. Leo breathed and felt a nervous laugh come from his lips. They were Alive!

Thank god for ninja weapons!

Leo looked down at the watery pavement; they were still high enough up that if they dropped it could be dangerous. Leo looked around to weigh his options quickly. He's fingers were started to slip against Mikey's heavy and rain covered body.

He looked at his brother and saw Mike staring at him, his eyes were wide with fear and his face was scrunched into a horrified expression. Leo opened his mouth to say something before a sharp, fearful scream met his ears. He winced and watched as his little brother shout in obvious terror and started to wiggle in his arms. Mike thrashed and pushed against him, Leo couldn't hold on to him for much longer if he kept moving.

"MIKEY STOP!" Leo cried out desperately, trying to shout over the screams and the pouring rain. Mikey didn't even acknowledge Leo as he continued to wiggle his way out of his hold.

"GET THEM OFF OF ME!" Mikey shouted. He was shaking and his voice was charged with pain. The orange turtle began to swat at his body. Now? A hallucination now? Just perfect. Leo tried to comprehend what was happening, what was he seeing? Mike's eyes were darting all over as he thrashed harder.

"HELP ME! GET THEM OFF!"

Them? Leo stared into the distressed eyes and comprehended. All of his actions were adding up; slapping his body, the squirming and wiggling, pained and frightened screams. It was what Raph feared the most,

Bugs.

From the looks of it, the critters weren't friendly ones. Mikey wasn't afraid of insects, so these ones must be vicious.

"Mikey listen to me!" Leo tried but Mikey shoved hard against Leo and it was too much. The rain made it difficult for any good grasp and Mikey slipped out of his hold. Leo's brain spiked with adrenaline and he shot his hand out in reflex as Mikey fell. He caught hold of his brother's wrist and squeezed it tightly. Mikey screamed out again, but this time in agony. Leo was shocked at the amount of pain that his brother was suddenly in. Rain drops dripped down Leo's arm as the rope dug roughly into his hand.

"Stop squirming!" Leo called out but it didn't make any difference. Mikey didn't even notice Leo was there. The poison was making him see this on purpose, so he would fall. It's trying to kill him.

Leo looked around again, he had to act quickly. They could risk the drop; hopefully getting away with only a few injuries. He could wrap Mikey around him so that Leo would hit the ground first and Mikey would get the softer protection of a body instead of the flooded cement. Then again, he could try for the rooftop next to them. It was a little higher from where they were hanging but with enough of a jerk it could pull them on top. However if they missed, they would fall anyways.

Well, they would have to try!

Leo started to kick his legs back and forth. At first the rope barely moved but soon his weight and kicks began swinging them. Mikey dragged a little behind as they rocked through the air; Leo kept the hold on his wrist. He tightened his hand and Mikey flinched and yelped with pain. Leo ignored it as kicked back and forth, gaining momentum. He swung his baby brother out and let him go, launching him in the air. Mikey went flying towards the roof and Leo jumped after. He saw Mikey land hard and roll from the inertia. Leo braced for impact but landed more gracefully then his hallucinating brother. He tucked and rolled until he came to a stop and was lying on his shell. Breathing heavily, he let the downpour slap against his face. He smiled, he was alive! They both were!

Leo looked over at Mikey still yelping and squirming on the ground; shouting out pleas for help. Leo's smile faded.

* * *

><p>Bite after bite after bite. One doesn't hurt, but they hunt as a pack. They chew on my flesh together and I feel the stings of each and every one. They crawl all over, covering my body from head to toe; I can't even see my own skin. Their disgusting legs stick and unstick as they scatter across my soaking form. I squeal and squirm, shiver after shiver as they tickle my skin. I try to shake off and slap as many as I can; but the more I slap the more they bite. I grunt with frustration. No matter how many I knock off of me they just keep swarming.<p>

They make squeaking noises as they climb over my body and each other. They are going up my nose and into my ears. I clamp my mouth shut as they attempt to pry it open. I want to scream out but don't dare to.

Get off of me! Get off!

I shove a handful away but they retaliate with painful little bites.

No! Just go away!

I hear footsteps splash in the puddles and the insects suddenly stop. They start to scuttle away in fear, I watch them part from my body like a wave; I glance up at what scared them off.

I want to run away myself. I stare at what looks like my brother. Ha, 'my brother'. He stops and we gaze at each other. If he moves one step closer….

I challenge him to, yet I know it's an empty threat. I feel so weak that I can barely move.

He reaches for his belt and I hiss at him. He notices my distress and slows his motion; he grabs his shell cell and flips it open. He turns away from me and I hear him speaking quietly.

I feel so weak. No I am weak!

I lay still as rain kisses my body. I close my eyes and let them hit my face and clean my wounds. _My wounds!_ Too much!

It hurts! Too much blood! Too much pain! I look around and the red liquid pools around me, mixing with the water.

Blood, So much blood. No! No no no. I am going to bleed out! How pathetic! What a way to die, lying on my shell in disgrace! I was going to end it quickly. I was going to jump and die. But no! He did this to me. How dare he?

That monster!

I shoot daggers at the turtle as he ends his call. He should have let me die; it would have been easier, it would have been quick. It's what I wanted, but he doesn't care.

He isn't my brother! My brother would have let me go! They would have let me jump! He comes up to me and stares. I want to move away from him, but I am too weak.

Weak! Pathetic.

"Why didn't you let me die?" I growl at him and he stiffens visibly. I look into his eyes and see…hurt? Fear? Fear for me? I see worry and…love?

Leo?

No. No it can't be him. Don't be a fool!

"Kill me!" I shout out as he takes a step closer to me. "Just end this! Please. No more suffering, I am dying anyways…please." I struggle to lift my hand up to my face. I stare at the disgusting gash in my wrist that is still dripping dark red.

"So much blood." I whisper. My eyes snap from my wrist to the turtle that kneels down close to me. I stare into his eyes and want to spit in them. He took away everything from me! Everything!

"You aren't bleeding." He says softly. I hear a sardonic laugh burst from my lips, but it hurts too much. My laugh turns into a harsh pitiful cough.

"I'm covered in blood you asshole! It's all your fault!" I hiss and he flinches like I just slapped him.

I feel a shiver move through my body. I am freezing; my skin feels numb. Yet why do I still feel pain? Why do I still feel every icy drop of rain slap against me like a bullet? I start to shiver over and over again.

Pathetic! Disgrace! I should have died! I want to die!

The turtle must have noticed my shivers because he starts reaching for me. I try to move away but I am too weak, I hiss at him instead.

"D-Don't T-Touch me!" My teeth chatter as I growl out the words. His hand freezes in the air for a second but then he squints his eyes at me. He starts to move again. He lifts my torso off the ground and I am met with agony.

I shout out but he doesn't care! Monster! Haven't you done enough?

He positions me so that my head is resting on his plastron and his arms wrap around me.

What is he doing?

His body is cold and wet, but burns against my freezing skin. It feels…nice. Why is he doing this? Is this a trick? What's going on?

Unless…

"L-Leo?" I whisper against his chest. I can practically hear him smile.

"It's me." He says.

It is him! It is! Leo! My brother!

No its not! Stop it! Don't listen to him! It can't be him. It can't be. Would Leo hurt me the way he did? Would Leo betray me? Would Leo let me die slowly and painfully? No. it's not him. Trick. It's a trick! Run! Get away!

"N-No!" I shout out with all the energy I have and try to pull away. I am too weak and he is too strong. He holds me tighter and I try to wiggle out. My attempts die down as I pant in his arms, I am weak. Weak!

I am dying.

"Shh it's me! Okay? It's me! Come on Mikey, I know you are still there. It's really me, it's Leo." He whispers gently and lays his head on top of mine.

"N-no! Liar! Liar! N-Not Leo! Not Leo! No. No. No. Fake. Lies. Not real!" I start to tell myself, I chant my words over again. I need to listen to them, they are the truth! I feel a tear roll down my face, I know it's not the rain because it feels different; it's hot and stings against my icy bug bitten cheeks.

Not Leo. It can't be him.

The turtle keeps saying soothing words in my ear but I block them out. I have to, I can't listen. I won't listen to such lies.

I hear more footsteps patter through paddles and I shift my eyes. I see _him._ I feel a growl release from my throat as I glare. The red of his mask matches my bleeding wounds, reminding me of who exactly pierced my guts. Who gored holes in my wrists and held me down with his Sais.

The turtle I am laying on puts a hand up to stop the red masked turtle from coming closer. His hand is covered in my blood.

"I-I am g-going to kill you." I say between clenched teeth. However I know it's too late, I am too weak. I am dying. I can feel myself draining away every second.

It doesn't matter anymore. This life doesn't matter. I want this, I want to die. Please someone kill me now. No more suffering, no more pain. No more blood!

Too much blood.

I am weak.

I am weak.

I am dying.

* * *

><p>"Why is he letting you near him?" Raph asked Leo as he stood still. The rain finally subdued to a light drizzle and the dark clouds were floating away. At least the rain stopped.<p>

Leo grimaced.

"He's not. He's just too weak to fight back." Leo felt Mikey flinch at his words and he hisses. He is trying hard to fight, but he can't. The poison is too far along; it's shutting down his body.

"So how are we going to get him home? Carry him?" Raph asked as he sorrowfully watches his baby brother. He wants to hold him, to let him know that he is there. Yet he knows that Mikey doesn't want his older brother. That's what really hurts.

Leo thought about all the options available to them. They would have brought the battle shell but they didn't have enough time. But if they carry Mikey home then they might not make it.

Time. It's never enough when needed.

Raph gasped and launched forward suddenly, knocking Leo out of his thoughts. He squatted on the ground and put his hand up to Mikey's face.

"Mikey stay with us! No, don't close your eyes. Come on bro keep fighting a little longer." Raph said. His voice was rough and deep; hiding back his emotions and panic.

"Leo what do we do?"

"I-I don't…" Leo stuttered as he watched Mikey closing his eyes.

"Hey," Raph spoke gruffly and Leo glanced at him, "be fearless." He said and nodded once at Leo. Leo took a deep breath and felt a smile tilt the corners of his lips.

He had an idea!

He was about to explain it to Raph when a loud squishy plop was heard from the roof. They both snapped their heads and Raph stood in front of his brothers, both Sai ready to fight. Leo kept his arms around Mikey and squeezed him tighter.

It was…a bag?

Whoever was climbing up the ladder, they weren't even coming close to Mikey. The brothers wouldn't let them. Raph and Leo were prepared for the worst case scenario.

They both waited as someone made soft little grunting noises. Green hands appeared first before a head popped into sight.

"Donnie?" Raph asked in disbelief. Donnie ignored his brothers and lethargically pulled himself over the roof. He fell forward and landed in a puddle on his shell with a splash. He groaned as he sluggishly got to his knees. He put his hand to his head and let out a breath.

"What are you doing here? I told you to stay at the lair!" Leo snapped. Donnie looked at his brother with a glare,

"There was no way in hell I was going to follow that order." Donnie said nonchalantly as he pushed himself on to his feet. He swayed back and forth and grabbed his bag. Poor guy was too dizzy to stand up straight! He took a wobbly step forward.

"Do you know how hard it is to climb up a ladder when you are seeing double?" He mumbled as he made his way towards Mikey and Leo. His body started to lean towards the right and he drifted way off course. He was about to fall when Raph caught his arms. Raph chuckled slightly.

"Geez Donnie, how'd you even get here?" Raph said as he helped his brother move forward.

"I drove."

"You what!?" Leo was astounded, furious, and secretly impressed.

"Did ya hit every pole on the way?"

"No! I am an excellent driver, even when dizzy." Donnie said as he fell in front of Mikey and checked out his baby brother. Leo turned to look at Raph,

"I bet we'll find some new dents in the Battle shell." Leo said.

"I bet we'll find some flattened cars on the way home!" Raph exclaimed. They both felt a faint smile reach their lips.

"Well make jokes all you want, be happy I came." Donnie said tersely. He dug into his bag and hastily grabbed a large syringe.

"..What do you mean Don?" Leo asked but already knew the answer from the pit in his stomach.

"It would have been too late; He wouldn't have made it home in time." Donnie stabbed the syringe into his brother.

"The poison was definitely intended to kill him. I think the hallucinations were used to drive him to his death. His brain would react to what he was seeing. It would explain why he still felt the burns from the fire. The poison pushed him into insanity; in fact he tried to kill himself when he thought he was drowning."

Leo's mind flashed back to when he watched Mikey jump off the roof. He wouldn't tell his brothers what he saw; he didn't know if he could handle hearing it himself again. It felt hazy like a dream, but he knew what happened. He wouldn't let Donnie and Raph know about it. When he was drowning it was different, he was hallucinating then. Yet this time…it almost seemed like Mikey did it, not his hallucinations. Mikey wanted to die, he wanted to kill himself.

A silence filled the air as they waited for anything to happen.

"Will he be okay?" Raph asked gruffly.

"Yes, I think he will be. I think I got to him in time. The antidote will fight off all the poison but he may be unconscious for a while. I think he will live. I hope he will."

Donnie felt Mikey's pulse and smiled, "At least he is alive for now."

They were all soaked, exhausted and hurting; but none of that mattered. They saved their baby brother; just like they promised.

Leo looked up at the grey sky, grateful it was no longer raining.

"Let's go home." He sighed. He got to his feet and picked up Mikey, carrying him bridal style. Raph helped Donnie up and both started to walk behind Leo. Donnie took a couple of steps and felt himself falling backwards. Raph jumped forwards and Donnie grabbed onto his brother's arm and held on for dear life. His body dragged Raphs down with him and they both landed on the ground. Don moaned out in pain.

"Good grief!" Donnie muttered. Raph stood his brother back up slowly and Don was about to let go again when Raph grabbed his hand.

"Let me help you."

"No Raph! I can do this! I-hey! Ow my head!" Donnie exclaimed in surprise as his brother scooped him up into his arms. The swiftness of the motion put too much pressure to his throbbing head, but the sharp stabbing went away in a second.

"Put me down!" Donnie demanded.

"Trust me; it's for my own safety. I don't want you falling on me every five seconds!" Raph smirked but it wasn't true. He was doing this so it would be easier on the concussed turtle. Donnie started to squirm out of his arms.

"But I—OW!" He yelled as his own wiggling brought the sharp stabbing sensation back to his head. He glared at Raph.

"Don't look at me. That's your own fault little brother." Raph chuckled.

"Hey slowpokes, let's go!" Leo shouted as he cradled Mikey in his arms.

Raph and Leo both shared a look that only older brothers could understand. They both carried the younger turtles in their arms, even though one was more accepting then the other. Donnie still fought against Raphs arms, insisting he could walk on his own.

However, the other brother laid still and unconscious. But Mikey moved every so often in Leo's arms and it filled oldest with joy.

He is alive!

He is saved.

**YAY! I had to add a little light to the chapter because I feel like I have been really intense and dark the past couple of chapters! Besides this supposed to be a happy chapter in the end of it! I think my next chapter will be the last one :C SO DEPRESSING but can't go on forever right? **

**REVIEW PLEASE AND THANK YOU. **


	18. Chapter 18-Home

**Well...this is it. Last chapter of my first Fan fiction. It was alright but I know I can do better! In fact I have TWO more stories I am going to post pretty soon so if anyone is interested look out for them! C: **

**I would like to thank ALL MY REVIEWERS, LIKERS, AND FAVEORITERS.  
>Special thanks to Crow4711, InsaneDutchGirl, Bookworm563, phoebe.7, and awesome5689 for the constant reviews! And I can't forget all you guest people! c:<br>Really all my readers deserve a hot cup of coffee or tea. If you don't like either of those I'll just buy everyone pizza. Yeah Pizza is good.**

**since I haven't done this once, Ha oopps I will do this now to sum up everything  
><strong>

**Disclaimer: I own literally nothing. I don't even own my car so how would I ever own anything TMNT related. **

**Enjoy my last and final chapter. I'm keeping my tears at bay! I do get fuffly but I like happy endings. **

I think I am dead.

It's the only reasonable explanation. I can hear nothing pounding through the dark; I have no feeling of a body, just my spirit. It is oddly soothing.

I feel lighter. There is no more pain, no more ghost of insanity scratching my mind.

I am free.

So this is what death looks like; an eternity of darkness with only thoughts to accompany me. It sounds frightening and lonely, yet I am at peace.

Except, I wish to see my brothers one last time, my real ones.

Maybe this is supposed to be a time to look back on my life. Look at all the mistakes I've made. I think that's a thing I saw on TV once. My life is supposed to be flashing before my eyes or something like that. But it's not. So I start thinking. What is really weighing on my mind is my age. It's a shame I died so young, I didn't get the chance to really live.

No. that's not true. I had a life. It was abnormal and harsh, but it was good.

I think of all the bad times: When we would come home from a lost battle bloodied and bruised, but that was nothing compared to our broken spirits. The times we yelled and screamed at each other, taking out anger and frustration. The lair would have high tensions for weeks on end with little communication. I recall when someone got majorly injured everyone would hover around and watch with anxiety. I remember the days we would spend training hours upon hours until we were physically and mentally exhausted. Sometimes we dealt with having the weight of the city and even on occasion, the world, on our shoulders. We could never stay out of trouble long enough to take a breath. At times, it was unbearable, especially when it became something we could not change.

Yet, the good times are what really stick with me the most. The times it was us against the world, at least we knew we didn't stand alone. We had each other to find light through the darkness.

I think about each of my brothers and the little things. I recall the faint smile on Leo's face when the rest of us would goof around. He tried to remain the mature and responsible brother, but beneath his façade he still was that playful loving little boy. His laughter booms in my head, it was always my favorite sound. He didn't laugh as much as the rest of my brothers, but when he did it held the room at attention.  
>I love the memories when Raph would sneak even the smallest form of affection. He tried to stay the tough, hard rebel. But there was no question about the twinkle in his eyes. When things got rough, he would put a hand on my shoulder to let me know he was there; sometimes I would hug him and he would hold on for dear life like he needed it more than I did. He would tackle us to the ground, pretending to beat on us but I knew better. He was showing his love and affection.<br>I remember when Donnie would finally decide to grace us with his presence after working hours in the lab. He would be exhausted but a wide grin would always be plastered to his face. We all seemed to stick to him like glue for the rest of the evening, all delighted to be a full unit again.

I think about the breakfast mornings, the same old routine of starting the day. They usually insured sloppy teasing and sleepy grins. The days when we were graced to just lay around the lair together, doing nothing but be close. We would watch movies, take cat naps, banter back and forth but most importantly be around one another. I loved the feeling we would get after a great fight, proud of not only of ourselves but each other.

I would walk through fire for my brothers, and I know they would do the same for me.

Yes. I had a good life. The length does not matter, it is the quality.

But I want I back. I ache for my life. I miss my brothers.

No, I am not ready to die.

I want to live.

* * *

><p>A blinding white bursts in front of my eyes.<p>

Is this it? Is this the final stage of dying? Wasn't there a something about 'going into a bright light'?

Except, the harsh light dims and the first thing I see is a shadowy concrete; a ceiling. I watch it for a good minute as confusion settles in. I shift under the blanket and I feel the warm fabric slide against my skin. My body!

My own beautiful body! My own **throbbing** body…I feel so sore!

I shift my head and I see the red masked turtle asleep, his head in his arms and on the bed next to my bandaged hand. This looks familiar.

I stare at my hand, gauze wraps around my thumb making it almost immobile. I try to move it and feel sharp stinging pain. I know that pain, it's broken. How did I break my thumb?

I glance again at the turtle snoring loudly next to me. My memory sparks as I recall this same situation.

I remember.

I remember everything. I gasp as the memories coming flooding in at one time. I attacked him.

Is this real? Is this a trick? I look at my wrist and prepare for the gruesome wound, but I see nothing but my green skin. I push off the blanket and ignore my body's protest as I perceive the rest of me. There aren't any gashes or blood; not even scars.

What?

I don't understand, I thought _that_ was real. I again observe the snoozing turtle. Is he my brother? My real brother? I want it to be him but I can't shove away the nagging sensation.

He was the one who hurt me, but I have no wounds to prove it. Does it mean that it wasn't real. Is this is real? Is this truly him?

The last thing I do recall is a strong voice telling me to keep my eyes open. It was his voice. Was that him? The real him? Or am I still stuck in a twisted reality?

I watch his sleeping snoring form. His breathing is a steady soothing rhythm. I watch his face. Normally it would be scrunched in a fierce growl or a sly smirk. But now it rests in a peaceful expression. This must be my brother.

I attempt to sit up completely but the aching hits me harder, I instinctively groan loudly. I surprise myself and quickly snap my eyes back to the red turtle's face hoping he is still asleep. My hopes are crushed. He hasn't moved, but his blazing green eyes now bore into me. He watches me and remains frozen. I stare back at him, searching for any signs of a lie.

I am afraid.

He slowly straightens out but we keep silent.

Please be my brother, I need my brother.

"Mikey." He whispers and I flinch at my name. He reaches out a hand and I scoot away from it.

I don't trust him.

He notices my hesitation and I recognize the disappointment in his eyes.

"I'm not gonna hurt ya." He says roughly. My mouth remains snapped shut as I look him up and down.

He hurt me; he pushed me to the edge. I was bleeding, I was trapped.

"Damnit Mikey! I am not gonna hurt ya!" He growls louder with frustration. I close my eyes and prepare to be hit by a fist but it never comes.

I peek open and see him take a deep breath.

"It's me. I won't hurt you" He strains his voice to be softer.

I see anger and frustration, but I also see love. His green eyes shine with sincerity.

I see a protector. He would never hurt me, he would never attack me. It really is him. It is my brother. He is real.

Real!

I feel tears form in my eyes but I keep them from falling. I missed him, I missed him so much!

"Raph!"

A smile blasts from my face as I pounce on him. I don't even care about my screaming and aching body. He was unprepared for the sudden movement and I knock him to the floor. I hear a joyful, deep laugh rumble from his throat. We sit up but his hand refuses to let go of my arms.

"GUYS! Sleeping beauty finally decided to wake up!" Raph shouts loudly and continues to bubble with laughter.

"Please tell me that **you** didn't kiss me!" I chuckle. His smirk transforms into a genuine smile. He pulls me into a giant crushing bear hug. I wouldn't expect anything less!

He knows it's really me, and I know it's really him.

I hear footsteps barge in the lab. I turn and look up at the beaming faces. They stare at us as Raph's arms refuse to unlock from me.

Donnie's face instantly drops and looks extremely annoyed.

"What are you doing on the floor? You should be resting! Raphael you better not be hurting him!" He scolded. Raph pushes away slightly to look at my face.

His eyes turn serious but his lips still tug into a smile.

"I would never hurt him." He winks at me.

"Never." I laugh with happiness.

* * *

><p>I sit on the counter quietly as Donnie fusses around me. He checks my blood, making sure I am poison free I guess. I still feel the ghosts of doubt creep along my spine every time I see my brothers. Whenever they come near or touch me I still feel the prick of fear.<p>

I am wary and I can't help it.

I remember everything, but it feels like someone else's memories. I don't really know how to deal with the fact that I went crazy. I didn't think I was insane; I still don't. Yet from what my brothers tell me, I know I was.

I don't feel quite myself, I'm still afraid this is just some gross trick. That my brain is faking being cured, being with my real brothers. However dream or not, this is what I want.

"How long was I out?" I ask Donnie finally getting tired of the silence. I never did like the stillness of the room when it was quiet. Donne glances at me, his eyes are still happy and fill with joy.

"About four days…the poison was spread throughout your bloodstream. I was afraid we were too late but after we brought you home I gave you another injection and it seemed to work."

Four days? It feels like it all happened yesterday. I rub my wrist with my finger, careful not to bump my broken thumb. I can't help but check for the wounds I thought I had, my doubt is put to ease every time I feel the smooth skin instead of a slick bloody gash. Donnie watches me with a curious expression. He has been observing my movements ever since I woke up. He steps forward and I lift my eyes to his face, he grabs the wrist I was just feeling and studies it.

"What did you see?" He inquires. His tone is pure curiosity.

"I don't want to talk about it yet Donnie, I'm still don't completely trust that I am clear of my," I pause searching for the right word, "hallucinations."

Donnie wants to press it but keeps his mouth clamped. He knows better than to push it. He nods and releases my wrist.

"Well, looks like you are poison free! My antidote worked well thank god! If I didn't find it when I did then you probably would have—"

"Will I still have dreams?" I interrupt; partly because I want to know, but also because I don't want him to finish the sentence. I know I almost died, I remember. Donnie takes my question into consideration then he sighs.

"I speculate that it is likely you will have dreams. Not from the poison of course, but because of the traumatic event. But at least this time when you wake up, they won't follow you."

Great, even cured I can't escape the nightmares. I scoff at the irony.

Donnie's eyes gleam with compassion and sympathy.

"Hey, we will be here for you when you wake up. I promise we will." Donnie smiles and grabs my shoulder with affection. He makes another promise that I know he will keep. I grin back into his elated face.

A voice startles both of us and we look towards the lab door. Leo stands upright and confident; his posture is straight and ridged. You would never catch Leo slouching.

"May I please speak with you alone?" He asks but it's actually a command. My stomach drops and my caution slams back into me. I fearfully look at Donnie and he reads my panic in an instant.

"It's just Leo remember. I'll be right outside alright?" He smiles softly and I nod.

Then there were two.

We remain quiet as he walks deeper into the room. I shift uncomfortably, I really do hate silence.

"Do you remember?" Leo whispers, his eyes are sad unlike my other two cheerful brothers. I nod my head yes.

"Everything?"

My eyes are glued to his. I immediately know what he is talking about. He's talking about the incident on the roof when I almost killed myself. Although it was my hallucinations that guided me into it, it was still my choice. I wanted to die in that moment; I was too confused and angry to recognize the truth between lies. It wasn't like when I was drowning, I thought I was fighting to survive then, but on the roof… I was fighting to die.

"Yes." I tear my gaze away from his, ashamed to look in his eyes. I feel him take steps toward me.

"Leo, I'm sorry…I-I thought…I couldn't…I had to end it. I'm sorry, I didn't…I—" I stammer for words.

"It's okay I understand." He states clearly and sternly. I still feel the shame and guilt rumbling through my belly. I raise my eyes from the floor to his face.

"You didn't tell them?" I ask.

"No. They don't need to know. Besides it's not my decision; if you want them to know then you will tell them yourself." A heavy silence descends around us again. I am the one who breaks it this time.

"Donnie says I could have dreams still. Leo, what if I have them and fall back into that craziness? I mean sure the poison is gone, but I can still feel the grip of fear. I have this nagging sensation in my head. What if I end up falling again?" I murmur in a low and shaky voice.

Then he surprises me, a hint of a smirk touches his lips.

"Mikey don't you learn? Every time you fall I'll be there to catch you."

I blink once…twice…then start laughing.

"Geez Leo! You must be real because no one else is that cheesy!"

Leo flashes a grin and crosses his arms. His shoulders and muscles instantly ease but the natural confidence still radiates off his body. I laugh and tease him, but I finally feel my burden vanquish within me.

They are real and they will protect me.

I mean look what they did for me. They won't hurt me, they won't leave me. I remember something Donnie told me once. During a bad time when Splinter was missing, Raph was seriously injured, and Leo plunged into guilt and anger, I felt like the team tearing apart. I recall him telling me that we had to do something about it, that it was our job to put our family back together. I remember Donnie saying,

We only have each other in this world.

He is right. I know no matter what dreams are going to haunt me, no matter how long it will take for me to trust my own mind again, they will fight for me. Because that's what we do, we fight for each other.

Sheesh, now look who's the cheesy one?

I hear a rough voice from behind the large lab door. Leo and I both turn our heads when it slams open and in marches Raph, Donnie on his heel. Leo glances at Donnie with annoyance. Don put his hands up in surrender.

"I tried to tell him you wanted to talk to Mikey alone, but you know this one! Doesn't listen! I would have fought him more but I don't really want another concussion."

I wince at the mention of Donnie's injury. I feel guilty about all of the hurt I caused them both physically and mentally.

"I am not letting this one out my sight." Raph points at me, "I think I might just make him wear a cow bell so I know where he is at all times."

"Really? You are going to give Michelangelo something that can make lots, and I stress, LOTS of noise? I think that's a bad idea." Donnie mutters. I give him a sharp glance and smile. He's right.

"He has a point Raph." Leo agrees.

"Gosh, I can't believe you all have such a low opinion of me!" I smirk. It was meant to be teasing but all their harsh and hurt glances made me rethink my words.

"Oh. No I didn't mean it like that! I was just trying to mess around. I know you all think highly of me, I mean obviously since we just went through that um..thing. I mean I went crazy and almost killed you all. I mean—sorry that I almost killed you all. I have thought about it once or twice...oh gosh, I am just teasing again. I am trying to lighten the mood here! Stop looking so worried! Oh shell I'm just making this worse aren't I? I—"

"Mikey. Shut up." Raph says.

"Don't tell him to shut up!" Donnie retorts with obvious annoyance. I think he's a little mad that Raph ignored him and barged into the lab.

"Don't tell me what to do brainaic."

"Stop being such a pain in the shell Raph."

"Nerd."

"Hothead!

"Geek!"

"Shell for brains!"

"I have to say, it's sort of amusing when it isn't me arguing with Raph." Leo declares as he leans in close to me. I look at him and give him a bright grin. It's not a real argument, so it is pretty funny. Raph and Donnie both sharply bore holes into Leo.

"Leo, take my side here." Donnie says.

"Hey! Don't drag Leo into this!" Raph snaps.

"Yeah, don't drag Leo into this!" Leo repeats and attempts to hide his smile.

"Oh so you can tell me what to do but I can't tell you?" Donnie growls.

"That's right! I mean I am older then you anyways." Raph proclaims. I can tell he is having fun with this playful bickering. Donnie however actually looks annoyed.

"You are older than me by mere minutes! Besides I wouldn't take orders from someone who can barely spell his own name!" Donnie snaps. Raphs face that was full of amusement turns into a scowl at the cut to his intelligence. Of course he can spell his name, but it was the classic thing for Don to do when he was irritated, shove his intellect in our faces.

"Here I'll help you, R-a-p-h-a-e-l." The genius barely gets the last letter out before Raph pounces on him. They slam into the ground.

"NOT IN THE LAB!" Donnie shouts but they keep rolling around on the floor. Raph obviously didn't care.

"Raph! I am still getting over a concussion!" Donnie hisses as he tries to crawl away from his brother. Raph grabs him and pulls him back to land a playful punch to his side.

"I'm sorry Donnie, I don't know what concussion means." Raph remarks with a sarcastic tone. I giggle and stare at each of them with affection.

They are real.

"Turtle pile?" I ask Leo as I laugh at the ridiculous turtles wrestling. Leo puts a hand to his face and sighs, seemingly tired of his brothers immature squabble. But then he quickly glances back up at me with a laughing smirk.

"Turtle pile" he agrees and we both jump in.

Finally, I am home.

**That's all folks. Hope thats a good ending! Remember if anyone is interested in more stories by little old me, two more coming soon c: I LOVE YOU ALL. (geez take you to dinner first right?) Hope you all enjoyed it as much as I did! C: till next story, my good readers.  
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